On God, Love and Life in Ease and Flow
/I'm thrilled to share my journey of spirituality with my daughter. What a journey of expansion and awakening this has been - and continues to be. I am grateful for all that I am learning, in this time and space, this lifetime.
On each leg of my journey, I learn the love of God/Goddess/Source/Universe in new and unshakable ways.
I rarely endorse books because I feel that we often relinquish our power to discern, when we read, but I've recommended a few here that truly resonate with me. I invite you to read within a state of loving awareness - see if it sits well with you. Stop and ponder as often as you need to.
From God Directly
My journey began before the age of six (6), with a God who spoke to me all the time. Sure, we attended the Anglican church, but I seem to have blocked anything I might had heard of Christ from there. When I was scared, he (male at that time) spoke through thunder in the skies or a soothing voice in and around me, comforting me and reminding me of his omnipotence and unconditional love for me.
When those who should love me became dangerous, he revealed the root of their hurts and I learned compassion where those around me at the time only had judgment. He saved me from becoming a monster to protect myself from monsters. At eight (8) years old, I promised to never let this world steal my innocence - that I would honour his love for me by becoming love, myself.
Today, I believe this to have been God, yes, but through my inner being and, perhaps, my guide as well.
From God in Christ
At eight (8), I'd left private school to enter the (for me) tyrannical Roman Catholic primary school system. It was at that time that I finally started hearing, or noticing, Christ in the teaching of the Anglican (English Catholic) church we still attended.
Clear that no one was choosing my God for me - not after all he'd done for me - at school, I got quite a few spankings for refusing to say the sorrowful mysteries of Mary, mother of God and the intercessor on our behalf with Christ (to Roman Catholics). It didn't feel quite right, but alright, I began calling God "Christ".
I learned about fear (no, not respect; fear) - there were things that could keep me from God for eternity - I learned about guilt, shame, turning the other cheek, doormat politeness, the sin of sex, the evils of money and the rich, and being born a sinner. My God never said any of these things to me, nor did Christ, but suddenly, "what if I wasn't hearing him right? These people seemed pretty sure." Enter doubting my own ability to hear God.
THIS, I believe, is the most dangerous teaching of religions (and heirarchy-focused or authoritarian organizations, in general) - "as a flawed human, you're likely wrong. Leave it to us leaders to discern, and be sure to get 'confirmation' from at least two (2) leaders before you believe what you think you've heard yourself". In essence, "give up your relationship with God and with your intuition, and trust ours instead".
Today, I understand that as a direct creation of God, I (and each aspect of creation) hears God correctly. We may interpret based on our level of maturity, but even that has been stunted by our perceived inability to trust ourselves to discern God and to self-govern - something we did just fine in egalitarian societies.
There was no devil or serpent or sin that separated us from knowing and hearing God - there were only human beings driven by fear who presented the illusion of separation from God so that we would turn to them to connect with God again.
Money and / or the love of it is not the root of all evil. It's a convenient notion to instill a fear of it, so that it's left to the few fear-filled wealthy global citizens, as far back as ~2000 BCE periods and even further back. Still, when you shed light on money, you'll see that as long as you manage it, and aren't a slave to it (which ironically only the non-rich are, exchanging our best lives for money), it works with God for your good and the good of all you encounter. It's energy.
If you're interested, Wallace Wattles frames it well (for me) in "The Science of Getting Rich". "The Alphabet versus The Goddess" by Leonard Shlain (not at all a religious book) mentions that in egalitarian societies, money didn't exist! Egalitarian societies were feminine-based, designed around self-governance not central government.
Self governance, personal sovereignty and free will, all aspects of being human that we allow religion and hierarchy-focused or authoritarian organizations to take from us. I'm healing in those areas now, and taking my power back.
From God in Christ beyond Catholicism
Here, I learned more of the goodness of God. I learned a lot about how judgmental and controlling I had become, and began the journey of releasing that. Always introspective, this part of my journey took on greater maturity in viewing myself, not just looking at God. Enter "self" the sinner, but so much love too... a self capable of connecting with God myself, but that that must be seconded by wise counsel, of course.
I also learned, here, the evil of the mysterious arts, that women are the channel of sin and worse than men. Growing up in Trinidad and Tobago, exposed to multiple religions, I hadn't learned of one that clearly said something different. Coming to Canada to learn this - or to have it register on my radar - was a whole other smack in the face. Submit to your husband, be silent in Church... still, I stayed. I said, "because you are a God of Love, show me what this really means".
I'd accepted it - after all, the word of God is infallible, right? It was when the leadership began to silence my comments in bible study and in general, that I decided to leave. God in full love, of course, would not let me leave until I could fully release and forgive.
I had to accept that they were trapped and couldn't see Christ's real message of freedom in Love, for ALL of us as children of God. The politics of the Grecco-Roman era that decided the bible was infallible sealed their fate in fear. Loving them for all the good I had learned in the Church (this one and all at large), I finally left. This was when I left the Church for good.
Knowing God Today
You know how you keep living the same lessons over and over until you learn them - running into the same kind of boss, boyfriend/girlfriend, friends, fears, etcetera? That was my lesson with the Church - "release fear completely, follow me (God) in Love, and you will find the full truth of me everywhere", and my God, how true that has been.
Today, I know that the mysterious spiritual elements are feminine (or right brain) strengths shut down by modern religion. Intuition, psychic or clairvoyant gifts, the healing arts, must today all be explained to be valid. The masculine (or left brain) need things to be physical, tangible, explainable, and entire societies labelled their women witches and killed almost all of their women under the guise of a witch hunt. (How come no one has apologized for this?)
Did you know that the word "witch" is derived from the words 'wit' or 'wisdom' in the Greek BCE? Do your own Google search, of course, but this is also found in "Women Who Run With the Wolves" and a few other books that reveal the sources of our scary myths today. "The Alphabet versus The Goddess" by Leonard Shlain is another eye opener on the root of the witch hunt. Yikes.
Today, I know that we ALL, all of creation, return to God/Goddess/Source/Universe when we die, to be healed after our time on earth. We get to see clearly what we have learned while here, to remember all that was of Love and lovely about our time here. We also get to have a clearer lens (without fear) on what life is like when we avoid our light, God's light - what we call 'bad' or 'evil' is an absence of light. I know that God shows up to us as what we are comfortable with, as our current beliefs in this life. Books on this:
What freedom. I have never breathed more deeply, or relaxed and seen God in Love so clearly, as I do now. That keeps expanding.
Today, I know that we are born with no purpose except to learn and experience life fully and abundantly as we desire. I know that we have absolute free will, so we may choose a purpose or we may simply live to enjoy life or whatever we choose. We're free to change course, believe something else or hold firmly to our beliefs, to change lenses for a while or not. We're free.
I'm still learning, of course, so who knows what's next. I hope, whatever your journey, daughter of mine, that you remain free, overflowing in love and light, with a light heart that lets you soar and love being feminine. ❤
Love, Light and Abundance in all good things.
Crystal-Marie
