Raising Kids on Self Care
/I'm searching for like-minded community on this one. If what we focus on expands, and we get more of what we focus on, then I'm focused solely on parents who not only talk about self care, but whom (when they get past the tired fog of sleeplessness)
actually live self care and instill it via example and action, in their children.
This is not a critique of any existing parenting style,
nor of those parents who say one thing and do another.
Parenting is not easy, and none of us have the sleep and energy we had when we decided on this path. So good job to you, wherever you are on your journey. As support on our journey is important from time to time, this is merely
my
outreach to those who share
my
desired parenting style (I'm only 9 months in) and
my
approach to parent community.
Who am I referring to?
Those of you, parents, guardians, care givers, daycare owners and teams, teachers, who are advocates of:
Attachment parenting: not rooted in fear, but in a deep love for our children and a desire to raise intrinsically mindful and confident kids. Here, we let our children set the rate of separation to minimize separation anxiety - from sleep training, to weaning, to playing alone - going as gradually or as quickly as they want to (it's not easy).
Self care first: the importance of first understanding and valuing themselves so that, in the overflow of that, they can empathize with others (not the reverse - not putting others' needs above their own). There's a reason children are inherently 'selfish' before the age of 3.
Boundaries: we honour their "No", their expressed discomfort (or comfort) in situations, so they become adults who are comfortable saying No - no resentment, no rebellion, just No with inner peace and clarity on their rights - regardless of how others feel. Something as simple as not handing them to everyone who'd be offended if we didn't, and instead prioritizing their preferences in the situation, has far reaching impacts. It sends the message that what they want, with their own bodies in this case, is important.
Individual sovereignty: free will. When they know they're free, it's easier for them to honour that others are free too. If we don't honour them (and each other, as parents, adults), where do they learn that?
Mindfulness: asking them why. Answering their "why's" when you can. If they're raised with this habit, even if the world changes, peer pressure will have less influence over them. They'll also be more comfortable taking responsibility for the consequences of their actions.
Owning our flaws: We may yell once in a while and say "because I said so" instead of answering "why" sometimes - it's how we were raised! Being gentle with ourselves when we slip up, and loving ourselves as we say "I'm sorry" when we do slip up, shows them that perfection is not the goal and that they're loved unconditionally regardless. [Thanks for this, Mom. 😉]
What's the benefit?
All of these practices create a less rushed space, physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, for our children to be more confident, strong and responsible global citizens.
I'm sure you have a lot of your own practices too.
The world will provide hardships, if that is to be their path, don't worry. Our approach, however:
Equips them to face whatever the world throws at them, with quiet confidence. They're less likely to be traumatized as they know "it takes all kinds", but they're free to take what works and leave what doesn't, with a smile.
Makes home a sanctuary, whatever the world becomes. It doesn't mean you're perfect, but that they can be safely vulnerable here without it becoming ammunition. Rejuvenated, they can face the world again in peace and joy.
Empowers them to love themselves while owning their decisions. Less CYA is needed if their ability to own their decisions and consequences is developed at home. If we blame less and admit our own mistakes, they learn that it's okay - it's a normal part of learning and growing.
What are your practices and benefits?
I had so many more in mind when I started writing this, but that sleeplessness is still taking its toll.
If you're on board with what I've shared, I'd love to hear some of your other practices, and benefits.
P.S. Any of you also sick and tired of the
unsolicited
advice?
How do you handle it? One Mom said she nods and says thanks, then does what she was going to do anyway. Not sure my tired self can do that, but we'll see. You?
In warmth, love and light (and embracing our own shadows),
Crystal-Marie S
