Authenticity. Shadow versus Toxicity
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A yummy one for this season. 🍁🌾🍂
I hope to blog or vlog about the emerging perception of our ego, in dismantling this idea that there are parts of ourselves that we must eliminate, but the focus today is on the Shadow aspect of ourselves. In the interim, please remember that your ego is not some psychpathic-narcissist trying to take over the world. It is a very relevant aspect of your human self, that in its healthy form, keeps you alive. An ego that has not been dismissed, ignored and left in the dark ages, sets and asserts healthy boundaries, acts on intuitive cues for survival and speaks our truth when we need to to raise our vibration.
Toxicity
This is a quick post, so it may oversimplify concepts that should not be. Still, I believe it's another discussion we should all be having within ourselves, if we are to discover the whole self, so I hope it's a healthy start.
Common terms attached to ideals for convenience rather than actual connection include “toxic masculinity” and the “feminised male”. The squeaky wheel gets the grease, and so trauma expressed loudly can often blur the lines between healthy masculinity (divine and shadow masculine energy) and toxic masculinity.
The term “feminised male”, initially the emasculated male, essentially lumps all attributes the person does not attribute to males, as female. Often inaccurate.
Often ignored, is the term “toxic femininity”, but when it is used, it too covers everyone's agenda and political views, with little substance left to actually address what it actually means.
And so, on the custom of blurring lines, someone decided that toxicity = shadow and everyone ran with it. (I suppose in much the same way that we began attacking comfort zones without thought).
Toxicity is the nature of aspects within yourself that are not inherently yours.
Toxic masculinity is not masculinity, but just toxic — physically domineering for the sake of it, “mansplaining”, violence for the sake of it, predator of fellow humans rather than provider and protector. The same is true of the term toxic femininity — conniving for the sake of it, dividing to conquer, gossiping and rumour-mongering, rather than being the creator and nurturer. Even the “feminised” male is not quite so — not even aggressive when the situation demands in, unable to be protector of loved ones or to provide for even themselves.
These are toxic attributes often based in some form of trauma. As our society almost breeds certain forms of trauma and calls it culture, much goes unnoticed. Here, however, I'm here for the individual, as the healthy self has the experience to heal these wounds as they heal themselves.
Shadow
In many of my written pieces, I close with “In Love, Light and Shadow, embracing all aspects of ourselves.🌺” because I woke up to the realization that I fell into this “eliminate our shadow” camp, somehow.
If you're learning about the divine feminine as I am, you already know that while the Light is the masculine, the Dark is the safe womb-space of the feminine, allowing us to create in the peace within ourselves, before taking that creation into the Light. Healthy light fosters and grows that creation (masculine, creates a safe space for the feminine to create, when there is harmony), but harsh light can judge, critique and destroy that creation before ever trying to understand it. Both light and Shadow can be toxic. So we have to pay attention.
Your Shadow, like I explained above with your ego and with the womb, serves a profound purpose for you. It is not the toxic elements, a few of which I have highlighted above. It is pure power, much as your Light is, but it is your quiet protector. It permits you:
No, without explanation, when “society” feels you should be obliged.
Anger when your boundaries are being violated.
To speak your Truth when you need to, even if it makes things awkward (not for the sake of awkwardness, but for example, for you to stop living repressed or oppressed).
Prioritize yourself, in a world that has villified the self, which is needed for true community.
Compassion with boundaries — to understand what another feels without taking their abuse.
If you don't see the pattern, your Shadow allows you to remain whole and intact, regardless of what others try to strip us of. If we were just spirit energy, a lot of what matters wouldn't matter. Staying alive as a human being, however, means preservation of life is a part of this fascinating experience.
Have you tried to set new boundaries? The pushback can be brutal. Your Shadow — gently or firmly — leaves people with the responsibility for their own feelings, while supporting you in embracing and taking ownership of just your own feelings.
In loving your Shadow
Your Shadow can only serve you this way, if you haven't made it your enemy. As with your ego, it is. It is already a part of You. And it has its purpose. It will protect you, whether it be on your conscious terms or your subconscious (often externally programmed) terms. Why not take the time to find out who you, intrinsically, are, so that you can bring all aspects of yourself — including your Shadow — up to speed?
If it's easier to understand in the tangible, when even one part of your body is unwell, it burns a lot energy looking for ways to heal. When you're well, you feel energized because their isn't a leak somewhere. It's like that with those aspects of yourself you have made villains, because people who “don't understand them” (let's give them the benefit of the doubt) told you so.
Authenticity speaks to an inherently natural way of being. Knowing who you are goes a long way in honouring that.
May I invite you to discover your highly sensitive (very likely, after all the abuse it’s suffered) Shadow self. A dose of love to start this journey will take you to amazing places within. And when it is reunited with your Light… oh the magic!!! You will find that you cannot wait to share that Love with the world (not in force, but simply in being). You'll see exactly why it is self-love that creates love for anything, and everything, else. ❤️
As always, in honour of individual sovereignty, embrace what resonates, and release in peace what does not.
In Love, Light and Shadow, embracing all aspects of ourselves. 🌺
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About Crystal-Marie
Crystal-Marie Sealy, MBA, is a dedicated mom, keynote speaker, two-time best-selling author and strategy consultant. As author and speaker, Crystal-Marie is focused on resilience through authenticity, self-acceptance and individual sovereignty. Her business talks are around mindful entrepreneurship through pricing, lean process, and feasible schedules for inspired creativity and focused productivity. As a strategy consultant, and president and founder of Crystal-Marie Sealy—previously Successiory (2011-2019)—Crystal-Marie's signature "Mindful Entrepreneurship for Mindful Affluence™" empowers premium service professionals to create businesses they can truly thrive in. Good-bye rat race. Hello blue ocean. Earn more. Work less. Live abundantly. Connect with Crystal-Marie at www.CrystalMarieSealy.com
