I saw a post that started off great, inviting us to consider replacing the “gold stars” with real-world activities, and letting the completion of the activity be it's own reward. I like this idea, as it really fosters confidence, and intrinsic value, as opposed to caring what others (who give the star) think.

The post loses me when it gets into caring for others (animals, the elderly, etcetera). The person posting was likely unaware of the damages of smashing self in early childhood, to focus on others, but being unaware of danger doesn't make anything less dangerous.

Caring for others is important, but we really miss where compassion for others is born. A sense of duty and responsibility will never fuel “caring for others” like genuine love can. I really believe that, in early years—and this gets overlooked so often—we learn this when we learn, first, what care feels like within ourselves. Caring for others has to come after we foster a healthy self, caring for self, in children. I still see posts saying “self = bad”, “service = good”, and we miss that if we don't know how it feels, we cannot offer it. Self-care is what overflows as care for others.

“Self” is a very, very important aspect of early development.

✓ Saying No, and seeing it respected teaches children to honour their own No.

✓ Seeing someone respect their boundaries, teaches them to honour their own.

✓ Understanding self-care during early development, teaches self-compassion, which creates empathy.

Modelling for children the prioritizing of self, true self, (not the survival mode or self-preservation—trauma responses that society has normalized—that we unwittingly call self-centered in children)... self is what overflows to create caring, compassionate older children, then adults, but only if we let them have self in the early years.

Burnout, poor health decisions, getting sick easily, lack of sleep, negative self talk, so many challenges are rooted in this inability to care for self. And for empaths, the giving until it hurts is a literal thing. The bill, if money is what you care about, lands on taxpayers through health care. Plus, it also often means, one less person "caring for others". I really hope that more of us can make this shift, as parents and for ourselves.

As always, in honour of individual sovereignty, embrace what resonates, and release in peace what does not.

❤️ In Love, Light and Shadow, embracing all aspects of ourselves. 🌺

[Adapted from my Instagram post, here: www.instagram.com/p/CVkWiHArTsq]

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About Crystal-Marie

Crystal-Marie Sealy, MBA, is a dedicated mom, keynote speaker, two-time best-selling author and strategy consultant. As author and speaker, Crystal-Marie is focused on resilience through authenticity, self-acceptance and individual sovereignty. Her business talks are around mindful entrepreneurship through pricing, lean process, and feasible schedules for inspired creativity and focused productivity. As a strategy consultant, and president and founder of Crystal-Marie Sealy—previously Successiory (2011-2019)—Crystal-Marie's signature "Mindful Entrepreneurship for Mindful Affluence™" empowers premium service professionals to create businesses they can truly thrive in. Good-bye rat race. Hello blue ocean. Earn more. Work less. Live abundantly. Connect with Crystal-Marie at www.CrystalMarieSealy.com