Different — Authentic. Audacious. Liberating.

“If the word Audacity inspired thoughts of words or phrases like arrogance, inconsiderate, bossy or how could you, then perhaps the word Audacity has been reserved for people who violate the boundaries of others. I invite you to consider, however, that it may also have been used to limit those who dare to dream or be different.” — Crystal-Marie Sealy, “The Audacity”

I tend to write around what I am dealing with, personally, or observing within those around me. This time is no different. While I try to share experiences after I’ve gone through something, sometimes I realize that some lessons come in waves and layers. Those, I share as they come up. Like anything around authenticity, apparently. I have come to realize that every time I speak or write on authenticity, I learn something profound about myself, or I find an enhanced sense of possibility. May you be inspired, here.

Different

I have always been different. I did not seek it out — I simply was. So much so that, while I aced English language examinations, I flopped in English literature because, “you need to stop overthinking the story”. That was just around my mind. I grew up in Trinidad and Tobago where, luckily, I was allowed to acknowledge that I am mixed — genetics is truly awesome! Even if that came with some backlash and a “red woman” label that came with a lot of abuse. Still, the dislike or strange obsession with “red women” in Trinidad and Tobago was not (in my experience) as deep or creepy as race dynamics are in some parts of North America, and other parts of the world.

I also got into trouble for not praying as they expected me to in Roman Catholic school, then later, for not staying the course as an Anglican and, today, simply for believing something completely different — something more inclusive that deeply resonates with my personal spiritual experience. Add to that, being an introvert in what seem to be extroverted countries and corporate cultures, “too feminine” in engineering consulting and business spheres, and unapologetically grateful to have discovered gentle, responsive, attachment parenting as a new mother, moving to the beat of my own drum seemed to always be against the current. I’m learning, however, that that isn't true, and that I’m not actually alone. I’m just more open about these things, than others with similar perspectives, so it seems that way.

Plus, call it Law of Attraction (LoA), like finding like or something else, but the more I speak up, the more I meet others who accept me as I am. When I get clear, it seems as though I simultaneously, and very clearly, attract those who resonate, and repel those who do not. Something I have to say I see now, looking back. After a while, those you repel are not even on your radar, if you focus on who you attract. Then you’re left with the inspiring and uplifting interactions.

Are you different?

I have not met anyone who I have gotten to know deeply, who is the same as anyone I had met before. Have you? I wonder why, then, we are still hooked on defining “belonging” as “being the same”? In all of my tangible and intuitive research, no group of people — team, family, race, religion, ethnicity, education level or area of expertise — are ever truly the same. Even when they at first believe they have exactly the same goals and values, eventually they realize that they each had a different understanding of what that meant. Then what?

In social spheres and inner circles, sometimes in larger communities, like associations and teams, celebrated authenticity lends itself to inspiring conversations that celebrate the newfound diversity of thought, allowing individuals to bring to the table exactly who they really are. Here, each person has the option to:

• be, and express freely and authentically, who they are, honouring their own individual sovereignty, owning that they are responsible for their own emotions and thoughts around what is, and honouring that others are responsible for themselves too.

• — OR —

• say what they believe is expected of them — whether to avoid drama, to be liked or to continue to have a place to belong — which leaves little room to be authentic. It takes responsibility for others’ thoughts and feelings about us, which we have no control over (despite appearances), and dishonours or silences their own voices.

Mary Waller, a professor during my MBA, shared on forming, storming, norming, then performing. It speaks to stages groups go through to truly become teams, acknowledging that we come together with a perceived goals, go through some storms when we recognize that we’re not all on the same page and, if the goal is important, we get through the storms to identify norms that allow us to achieve our goals. Going through the process often forges deeper bonds. How much deeper can our relationships, our communities, be if we truly show up as exactly who we are? And how empowering and freeing to release those who do not accept us, to make room for those who do? You benefit either way, right? As do those who need you, as you are, to inspire them consciously or not.

Authentic

I have searched for truth for as long as I can remember. I started with religion and science, which both deal in absolutes — a more masculine approach to truth. The depth and nature of personal growth I experienced as an entrepreneur, however, revealed (to me) that absolutes are taught when we fear the complexity of diversity. For example, the conversation around remote work for most large firms prior to the 2020 pandemic was ignored or vehemently put down by larger firms. During the pandemic, however, many of them proved that it actually works quite well. It even seemed to serve the planet well, with the rapid drop in air pollution in many places. I’m sure you can explore the absolutes around your more deeply to find more paradoxes than contradictions, too. Intriguing.

The appearance of paradoxes in place of contradictions, played a big role in the shift from a lens of “truth” to one of “authenticity”, for me. There’s a lot more to my experience that shifted my mindset, of course, but in recognizing that there is far more “this and that” than “this or that” lead me to individual sovereignty, self-discovery, self-acceptance and, for me, the very grounding boundaries and liberation of authenticity.

“Being authentic, being true to oneself, is not an excuse to be viscious and call it honesty.  It is not finally standing up for ourselves in an unfair situation and "getting it off of our chest", either.  These are examples of actions or reactions, which may reflect our true thoughts or emotions in one snapshot of time.  Those moments are important, yes, because they reveal issues that affect us adversely so that we can address them, or boundaries that have been violated that we need to reinstate.  Those snapshots are not, however, who you are inherently.

Authenticity is the quality of being authentic.  Being authentic, truly, is not a series of behaviours you become known for, but a way of being that is natural to, and energizing for, you.  I, personally, add, whether anyone else sees it or not.” — Crystal-Marie Sealy, “Authenticity. What's it mean, beyond the buzzword?“

What are your personal values and boundaries, inherent (not inherited) beliefs? How do you truly engage with the world — what energizes and does not; do you feel deeply or barely; are you spontaneous or a planner; more in flow in feminine or masculine energy? Are you all or none of these? You have natural cycles and rhythms, if you’re human. Taking the time and space for self-discovery helps. I’m still peeling back the layers, but the pandemic really sped things up for me, around not only recognizing who I am right now, but the self-acceptance and reinforcing of boundaries, have been incredibly freeing. I had to be audacious to make it stick.

Audacious

Is that also true for you? Have you recognized that you need to be audacious, but still think it’s bad or rude? I included this word, and the others highlighted as subtitles throughout this blog post, because I hope it awakens a sense of power — a sense of your right to take up more space unapologetically, to breathe more deeply, to take longer, to be louder, to <fill in what you long for that “isn’t appropriate”>.

“I invite you, now, to see another side of Audacity. If you had to find positive thoughts to associate with the word, what would they be? Can you make that leap?

What if I said that, today, I associate the word Audacity with terms like empowered, driven, fearlessly pursuing ones dream, courageous, bold, focused on the goal, no longer held back by ones fears and choosing to live ones purpose regardless of setbacks, lack of approval and accepted norms? Is that a perspective you can share?” — Crystal-Marie Sealy, “The Audacity”

If you take that further, with your own words and experiences, does it become empowering for you to be okay being audacious?

Liberating

“Finally!” Can you remember that last time you said, “Finally!”, and it felt like a deep release? When that word felt like a feeling all on it’s own, because it was so freeing that it had to be called something bigger than freedom, liberation, release, even relief? That is the feeling I hope is conjured when you think about all that is different about you. That is what I have felt, and continue to feel, as I ground each new layer of enlightenment around my own self-discovery, self-acceptance and healing, that bring me to a deeper knowledge of self and authenticity.

I’d mentioned above that every time I talk on authenticity, I’m challenged to face it on a new level. Usually it’s a conversation with someone from the audience after my talk, who enhances my sense of possibility around all that is born when we are authentic, but sometimes it’s a life-altering experience of my own. In this case, I’ve discovered that it’s time I stop putting my books on hold. It’s time to complete those I’ve started and write those bouncing their way out of my head, heart and gut.

I rarely speak about being a best-selling author, but I had my second best-seller launch (both best-sellers were co-authored) in May 2020. Thank you, Gail Watson and Women Speakers Association (WSA) Publishing, for reminding me of this passion. I wrote on authenticity, of course, but this time I wrote on anger — one few around me ever touch. (Don’t worry. That’s not a spoiler. If you want to read it, grab a copy here — not just for my story, but for all of the juice this book offers with the other authors as well.) At first it was simply a recounting, but since April, I’ve had wave upon wave of liberating revelations about how much fear of anger held me back, and the very real boundaries I still need to set! It’s like my inner being reaches me best when I speak or write it myself — if i’m not listening properly — so then we can begin the deeper conversation and healing. Throughout this pandemic, I’ve found the silence, space and slow-down created the perfect recipe, even as I learn to reintegrate me time into my chosen style of motherhood, for self-discovery — including identifying (really naming), setting and reinforcing boundaries.

Have you experienced anything like that on your journey? It helps to name it and save it somewhere — in writing or a recording — I have started to take my own advice on that. How did I not realize that as a speaker, recording and replaying myself speaking to me, would be healing? It truly grounds the experience, for me, so that I recall that boundary or experience as true the next time it is challenged.

Live and Let Live

You’ll notice that I have not (I hope) lead you, in this blog post. It is my goal to get better at not leading anyone down a path. Self-discovery is much more rewarding when done by the self, without outside interference. Serendipity and seemingly random or organic affirming encounters, sure, but not advice.

Accepting that you are different, finding the absolute freedom and joy in there, and taking action from that place makes us unstoppable. Mel Robbins posted something on LinkedIn (shared here) that reminded me to include, here, that you literally are the only person able to liberate someone else, out there, with your unique story, experience or lens on something. It could be something they can find anywhere, but somehow only your voice, eye contact with you or the unique ebbs and flows of your conversation style, unlocks that part of them that can truly find that bit of wisdom within themselves.

We will not always agree with all aspects of a message that resonates with us overall. For me, if the message sings to your soul — it’s okay to include a disclaimer in love that says “I wouldn’t necessarily say, X, but I hope you’re empowered by Y and Z”, when you share it — instead of bypassing it altogether. Of course, only if that's where you're lead intuitively. This ensures you remain authentic — you don’t get that icky “I sold out” feeling, and you got the important message out.

The flip side of that is that — because we’re all different — others will not always agree with all aspects of our message, even when it resonates with them otherwise. Allowing others to be true to themselves, appreciating the beauty in the diversity that shows up when someone says “I don’t agree with X, but for me Y and Z are spot on”, empowers them to deliver the message their way, for those who can only receive it that way. Always, back to “live and let live” and Individual Sovereignty.

How can I support you here?

If you’re looking for a keynote speaker to help awaken a sense of empowerment within your audience around their right to be themselves, completely, explore my talk on authenticity here — Authenticity. The Path to Life-long Resilience. Let’s connect if it sounds interesting — book a quick call here. If you’re like me and prefer to research and go inward for self-discovery, stay tuned to see what books I write next! Follow my author profile on Amazon — amazon.com/author/crystalmariesealy — or check out my author page here for my latest launch.

I also still do occasional one-on-one consulting retainers, if you’re exploring ways to create a ‘business around your desired lifestyle’ rather than simply a business model, for your premium service businesses — value-based pricing, lean process, feasible schedules and seal the deal with a client-centric social media strategy with boundaries for your well-being.

Authenticity, being truly yourself in each situation, means you lose far less energy each day, in each situation. That leaves more time for what matters most — yourself, your loved ones, your clients. I look forward to connecting!

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About Crystal-Marie

Crystal-Marie Sealy, MBA, is a dedicated mom, keynote speaker, two-time best-selling author and strategy consultant. As author and speaker, Crystal-Marie is focused on resilience through authenticity, self-acceptance and individual sovereignty. Her business talks are around mindful entrepreneurship through pricing, lean process, and feasible schedules for inspired creativity and focused productivity. She also delivers corporate training around client-centric social media strategy. As a strategy consultant, and president and founder of Crystal-Marie Sealy—previously Successiory (2011-2019)—Crystal-Marie's signature "Mindful Entrepreneurship for Mindful Affluence™" empowers premium service professionals to create businesses they can truly thrive in. Good-bye rate race. Hello blue ocean. Earn more. Work less. Serve better clients, better. Connect with Crystal-Marie at www.CrystalMarieSealy.com