Happy and Positive begin with Authenticity
/“Happy” and “positive” are states that truly begin with authenticity, at least if they're to be largely long-term states. These are the states our bodies are healthiest in, so it is where we inherently want to spend most of our time — when we are true to ourselves. In a society overrun by demands that we are activists for a cause or take a collective stand or <<enter what occupies your mind most that doesn't bring peace>>, we forget that self-care and inner peace is actually where we get energy for anything else. Healthy individuals make up a healthy world. Happy, positive individuals fill up through self-care and that overflows into the world.
Facing it all. Healing through Self-compassion
Here's the thing. The health benefits of being “happy” and “positive” come from actually being there — the pretense of being there is far less beneficial to our health. So what does that mean?
Abraham Hicks, says you cannot do a 180° change in direction of a truck going at full speed. You must first slow it down, even stop, to make that directional change. She recommends that, to feel better, you focus on something completely different — a butterfly, a belly-laugh joke — something you can be genuinely happy about. You keep focusing on happy things until, eventually, you come full circle to the unpleasant thing and find you have a new lens on it. From here you can lovingly, more mindfully face, heal and release those emotions. I truly love this approach.
If you don't have beliefs that make you comfortable with that just yet, here's another perspective. Sometimes you have to start at that angry outburst or that place of simply being immersed in that hurt. I believe “wallowing in self-pity” is simply a part of the process. To cut it out is to miss a crucial aspect of self-compassion in healing. Face and embrace it, stay in each state as long as you need to, but then once you've healed it, release it. The key is not to hold on longer than necessary, but to absolutely make sure you're with it long enough to get it out of your system.
This form of self-compassion takes practice, but the process, the length of the cycle of facing, healing and releasing, get shorter and shorter over time, particularly of you continue to make time for mindfulness and self-care. After a while, you'll find that Abraham Hicks approach is easier, because you're not looking for ways to avoid challenging issues anymore — you’re just finding ways to heal them completely more quickly. Abraham Hicks says after a while, we stop seeing problems needing solutions, but simple questions were seeking answers to. 💖
Self-acceptance. Celebrating all of Yourself
Through most of the previous year, I invited my readers to stop — if only for a moment — continuous improvement to celebrate what already exists within themselves. Why? We rarely stop long enough to allow our joyful moments to sink into the deepest parts of us — to be mindful of what is already amazing. We rarely slow down enough to even consider that what seems to not be amazing, may actually be quite amazing in its own right.
Have you ever stopped to think that all of your quirks and supposed failures may be beautiful in their own right? That even your successes, perhaps, could not exist without them? Often, to see that big picture, you have to slow down enough and go deep enough within yourself, to drown out the outside world altogether. It asked that you let go of what others think, external standards of greatness, goals set for you that really don't have much to do with you at all.
True Authenticity
The fastest path to discovering who you truly are — inherent (not taught) values, goals, beliefs, desires, sense of beauty, light and shadow - begins with knowing and accepting all of who you truly are.
I have said before that authenticity is not:
You speaking your mind in the moment and saying, “I'm just being honest”, nor is it
You finally blowing up on (or even standing up to, diplomatically) someone who’s been violating your boundaries forever.
Those feel great because you're not holding that aspect of your emotions in, anymore. While that release is genuine — there's nothing false about it — it is not authentic because that is not who you are. It's a snapshot of you responding in a moment and, often, can be out of alignment with who you truly are — inherent (not taught) values, goals, beliefs, desires, sense of beauty, light and shadow.
Your authentic self is the self you're most at peace with if no one else is looking — and when you fully accept yourself, regardless of who else is looking. It is not situational, but true to the core of your life in general.
Going inward, slowing down enough to go deep enough within yourself, to drown out the outside world altogether, is where you discover that deep knowledge of yourself.
Happy and Positive as an Author and on Social Media
I've been critiqued for not sharing more “real” posts on social media, but I am happy to say that this allows me to remain true to my core values. I firmly believe that what we put out into the world continues to expand there and, if so, then I'm going to help multiply joy. Psychology says that we’re not predisposed to positive thoughts, so we have to consciously shift our neural pathways if we’re to shift our mindset. Another reason to add more positives to the online conversation.
There are also no end of posts that highlight what's not positive in the world — we can't really be surprised by the need to enhance mental well-being. I don't need to add to that. Finally, if I'm not having a great day, and I look at my newsfeed — because of what I've shared and those I follow — i’m sure to be uplifted. I hope it does the same for anyone who comes across my posts.
I've just co-authored a second book — Voices of the 21st Century III (get it May 12 / 13) — and there I share two sides of anger that it would help to address in stepping more fully into authenticity. For the global change that we are living through, I believe some of these stories will be true inspiration. It starts with anger, but doesn't stay there at all. In the full book — my chapter in this amazing anthology is a snapshot of what's to come — I use positive wording as far as I have evolved to so far to invite you more fully into authenticity. Let your hair down, be exactly who and where you are right now, and you'll find all action after a while is born not of effort, but of ease, flow and inspired creativity. If this resonates, follow my Amazon.com profile to find out when it’s available.
Here's hoping you feel a sense of freedom within, reading this, to truly take the time it takes to discover and love all of yourself. You'll be surprised to how quickly happiness becomes more normal.
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About Crystal-Marie
Crystal-Marie Sealy, MBA, is a dedicated mom, keynote speaker, author and strategy consultant. As author and speaker, Crystal-Marie is focused on resilience through authenticity, self-acceptance and individual sovereignty. Her business talks are around mindful entrepreneurship through pricing, lean process, and feasible schedules for inspired creativity and focused productivity. She also delivers corporate training around client-centric social media strategy. As a strategy consultant, and president and founder of Crystal-Marie Sealy—previously Successiory (2011-2019)—Crystal-Marie's signature "Mindful Entrepreneurship for Mindful Affluence™" empowers premium service professionals to create businesses they can truly thrive in. Good-bye rate race. Hello blue ocean. Earn more. Work less. Serve better clients, better. Connect with Crystal-Marie at www.CrystalMarieSealy.com