Phases of the Feminine
/
Updated 3rd March 2023 to remove any comparison of motherhood and business. A business is not, and can never be, a baby. I said this too, but on becoming a mother, myself, they can never be the same. Neither are pets and children the same. Think of your parents telling you that you're worth to them the same as their business or the family dog. At any age, what does that do to you? Sending extra love to those who may not understand. I have also removed images of Michelle Obama and Helen Mirren.
“Phases of the Feminine. Maiden. Enchantress. Mother. Crone. We miss something when society values only the Maiden." -- Crystal-Marie Sealy, Mom, MBA.
Adapted from my Instagram post, here.
In the past, I had called myself a feminist. I still really believe that true feminism would not deny any aspect of ourselves, and would not fall for the toxic masculine trap of fighting for our right to be men, and denegrating what society calls the “softer” elements of women, calling those “weak”. Today, there are active feminists who honour the feminine and are standing for all that is feminine to be valued by society.
The inside overflows. Feminine, inner world. Masculine, outer world
There is, however, a deeper aspect of the feminine that I have discovered, that has allowed me—and many others—to stop fighting and release effort for ease and flow. The true power of the feminine, in its completeness, is that it does not need to fight. In fact, it does not even need to ask! Can you imagine? It just attracts. You know them! I have always admired them.
Many women can't stand them, especially if they believe in “hard work” and “doing it all yourself” or have had their enchantress phase silenced, repressed or if they missed it entirely. I believe, now, that that is because they have denied that very aspect of themselves for so long, that perhaps it hurts to see it in action. Men who cannot stand them are also insecure, and cannot find their own empowered masculine—they may not even believe in true masculine power. After all, where would they have seen it, in a world that describes power as control and dominance?
Who are they, these women I admire? Those women—those people empowered in their feminine—who walk into a room and people rush to help them, to talk to them, to make their lives easier in some way—really, unknowingly, those who run to her aid do so to lap up some of that soothing, healing energy.
Do you know what creates that response in others? These are not monsters or moguls who believe they can snap a finger and make or break us. Even if they are moguls, it is not that aspect of their being that draws others to them. These are women whose very presence makes others feel whole, seen and valid—they make others feel ten feet tall, so to speak, without ever saying anything. It’s an “allowing”. Anyone, including those operating in the healthy masculine, who honours all of who they are—true self-acceptance, true authenticity—has the same impact. This is regardless of race, gender, social or financial standing, although the very nature of being this way eventually attracts well-being across the board.
The world we're leaving behind
As a society, we grasp very clearly how important sex and libido are for male empowerment. Well, we did. Today, we criticise even that—but again, this is a consequence of silencing its importance for women, as well. Even when we did, undeniably, recognize their importance in men’s well-being, we could not seem to grasp its importance for our women.
Instagram Post about the Myth of Friday 13th
You see, we are intricately connected. We cannot gaslight women in our maiden phase, call us harlots and whores when we step into our crucial and most empowering enchantress phase, distort our mother phase and then discard us in our crone phase, and wonder why war, strife and poverty are still a normal part of our world. Yes, it's all connected, but I'm not getting into that connection here. I'm just here to share the crucial aspects of the feminine in a woman’s life in each phase—I cannot speak for the feminine in others, but I do honour that it is there—to encourage you if you're on this path and feel alone.
I am thankful for the lessons that society has sealed in, on what happens when we repress and abuse the feminine (Leonard Shlain's book, The Alphabet versus the Goddess, was eye-opening). The mask we’re fortunate to be walking away from includes, but is not limited to:
Abusing the impressionable nature of the Maiden to convince her to forego her Enchantress, box in her Mother and disregard the wisdom of her Crone.
Shaming any woman who dares delve into, indulge and enjoy the power that she discovers within herself as the Enchantress—calling her harlot, whore and worse for grasping the depth and meaning of her sensuality, her sexuality, her sacred feminine. And no, despite popular toxic perception, this phase is not about seducing men — that is an external, masculine focus, and a possible outcome, not the purpose. This phase is, in fact, about intrinsic appreciation of herself, a truly internal, feminine focus. Then, after waiting until she becomes a Mother and has lost valuable time alone with herself to develop the Enchantress, you then drop the “exception clause” that, “oh yes”, Enchantress is actually good, but only when your partner wants her to show up, and not in any way that necessarily empowers you, but in any way that meets her partner's needs, and then at no other time.
By the time she becomes a Mother, she's so settled in distrusting her nature, that she listens to systemic advice that tells her she's only meant to have children who will become productive citizens who conform, so she misses the light in her children's eyes when they're young and love themselves, quirks and all, when they love all that's unique about themselves, in order to "shape them”. (Clarissa Pinkola Estés, PhD, “Women Who run With the Wolves” does an epic job of covering mother's in Chapter 6, Kinds of Mothers.) She misses the opportunity to allow them to know and trust themselves, so that their existence truly uplifts our world.
Valuing her—or any person—based on her capacity to be a “productive member of society” defined by the lens of economy and immediately measurable, tangible results (toxic masculine standards, disconnected from nature), rather than her innate capacity to keep the world sane, multitask and prioritize, and even support others by creating actual energy fields that inspire confidence and all that the distorted-masculine society claims it wants. ** In the feminine, women are not bound by the current, very narrow, idea of what it means to be professional, credible or successful. **
Finally, when she’s a Crone, once you've convinced her to give up all of her years of crucial growth that can actually heal our world, to operate in masculine energy more than she's designed to—anxiety, burnout, the big C, depression, hormonal and reproduction challenges, heart dis-ease, stress, worse—to build economy, her value is flattened. After she's given up all of the years she should have been amassing feminine wisdom—not instead of, but alongside tangible, left-brain wisdom—tell her the Crone is a useless old hag that tells the same stories over and over and no one wants to hear.
It is these experiences that moved us to honour our feminine, our women, more deeply.
May we, also, not forget that taking down any arm of our species—women, in this case of life—doesn't just take down that arm. When you take down any part of the human species, it takes down all of it.
Phases of the Feminine. The tip of the tip of the iceberg
Maiden
Maiden
The Maiden is transitioning from child to adolescent to adult, and is still learning her body, natural cycles—way beyond just menstruation, including energy, intuition, deeper inexplicable "knowing", her spirituality—one that is unique to women. This phase requires time and space for deep inner growth, development of clear boundaries and an excited approach to self-discovery, self-acceptance and self-love.
It is worth noting, here, that the power of the feminine is in honouring and knowing her inner world—this is what makes her unshakeable when facing the outer world. The masculine, the outer world, in union with the feminine, provides and protects space in the outer world for the feminine partner to nurture and create in her inner world. To literally being life out of the ether. Her creation overflows to nourish the masculine and the world at large, well beyond the space initially protected and provided for, and the cycle continues. In the absence of a healthy, compatible masculine counterpart, the feminine thrives once she is able to hold space for herself—or if she finds safe feminine community to hold space for her (not control or advise, but support)—to go inward.
Any external interaction that fosters self-trust in this phase sets her up to be exponentially more powerful in this and later phases. No, not power to be feared, as the crumbling society defines power, but power that lights up and further empowers all it encounters— actual power—not control, manipulation or dominance (i.e. fear) masked as power.
In many of the religions upheld in the society we're leaving behind, women are only honoured if they never leave the ivory tower of the Maiden. In Christianity, she is the Proverbs 31 woman, with hard work and submission mixed in. So happy to be alive as we shift into an age that knows better.
Enchantress
Enchantress
The Enchantress fully loves herself and is transitioning from exploring and discovering just what a powerful Goddess she, uniquely, is, to fully, unapologetically and without explanation, in love, knowing just what a powerful Goddess she is.
The culmination of this phase is when she absolutely knows that her sensuality, sexuality, as Enchantress, is at the heart of all of her power—her creativity, her confidence, her unique ability to connect mankind with Spirituality and Nature, her gentle acceptance of mystery and inexplicable "knowing" of the unknowable, her ability to awaken in others a sense of possibility simply by her presence, and so much more.
So much more available on this phase.
Mother / Creator
Mother
By the time she is a Mother, she is far more comfortable “starting over”, becoming a new person, because as the Enchantress, she already saw what she was capable of. In motherhood, even science now accepts that “Mommy brain” is not a brain fog, but an actual rewiring of the brain to shift priorities, multi-task on an entirely new level, in order to live life for not just one, but two—or more, with multiple births or multiple children—lives, simultaneously, for at least a few years. Fascinating!
If she lived in a society that didn't say, “you're not capable”, she would find and seek out support that encourages self-trust, and let go of those who order, command or sternly advise, often out of fear and distrust. This way, she could fully embrace and marvel at this actual physical transformation. If we had people who said, “it's okay, even important, to be hyper-vigilant at first, because that is where the brain expansion happens, and likely why we inexplicably wake up if the baby is about to throw up, or just before they cry, etc.” instead of “10 ways to feel no stress with a newborn”, we would have Moms who grow into themselves and trust their maternal instincts.
The true Mother gets to enjoy and foster the light in her children's eyes when they're young and love themselves, quirks and all, when they love all that's unique about themselves—confident enough to readily give the boot to anyone who tells her otherwise—these gifts, children, we're meant to unconditionally love, protect, respect and empower into becoming authentic individuals. If we don't break them, it is amazing to meet these people—may we never forget that about them—who know their worth at birth. Preserving this is how they are able contribute most effectively to the world.
The true, confident Mother—whose children are also whole, healthy and freely authentic—is absolutely feminine, because it is the feminine that is at ease with uncertainty, mystery and the unknowable. She is fine with imperfection, in herself and her children. She does not need to absolve herself of responsibility for how her children respond to her parenting, in order to free herself from guilt. She owns that:
If she screams, she has taught her children to do so,
If she represses emotions, she teaches that too,
If she withholds attention or affection, that it will yield behavioural outbursts—not always tantrums,
And she is at peace with the knowledge that she is equipped to repair, apologize and soothe with boundless love, when she can.
A village raising a child is, therefore, not a bunch of people who “know better” taking control when she is overwhelmed, but people who honour how she raises her children, honour her children as she does, who will hold space for her so that she can refuel, restore and truly be there for her children.
Crone
Crone
The true feminine Crone is not a bully, controlling force, manipulator or anything like that. She is motherly love incarnate, that we feel safe turning to—whether for support, shelter or someone who will hold space for us and honour our individual sovereignty. Her goal is never to dictate your path, but to empower self-trust and self-love on our journey. She is uniquely empowered to teach us by example how to honour our intuition, because her allowing herself to be feminine through each phase, has allowed her to see what that truly looks and feels like, herself.
I am hopeful that I will meet such women, in my lifetime. She is that woman I mentioned above, who walks into a room and people rush to help her, to talk to her, to make her life easier in some way—really, unknowingly, those who run to her aid do so to lap up some of that soothing, healing energy. I have met a few, but may have to overcome more of my own inner challenges to develop those connections. Even as I write this, a few connections that have already begun to be nurtured, come to mind. Thank you.
As most of us have come from cultures, societies, academic backgrounds and families that roll their eyes at all of this, we can hardly fault today’s Crones for being less than gentle with us. Note, I am not saying to allow yourself to be steamrolled. I am saying hold your ground, honour your needs and boundaries, but understanding where these approaches are born allows us to hold less resentment, even if we must create some distance. My generation is seeing glimmers of possibility that many of today’s actual Crones have not. See, though, that the innate drive to impart their wisdom, is still not silenced. However it comes out, it has to come out.
This Crone, once she begins to discover the feminine, realizes that she has still somehow managed to amass feminine wisdom. Even if it’s not whole or warmly delivered, she still supports those coming after her. Don't lose her, the one willing to share vulnerably. This Crone is the one who now knows she has been played, stuck as Maiden until it's “too late”. Her story, therefore, may be choppy, but if she has come to honour her feminine, we can learn from her. She knows and can warn the rest of us to honour the feminine journey, and how to avoid the pitfalls she fell for. This is why she is silenced—even after they thought they had eliminated her capacity to amass true wisdom—but no more! My generation and those after know it really isn’t too late; these phases can evolve within us at any age. Some may not have been able to have children, but there are many missing mothers in our world too, who would welcome the love of one evolving into a healthy Mother.
Happy to be alive in a time when the feminine can no longer be silenced. Thank you for waiting for us to catch on.
Welcome, Age of Aquarius
Whether you comprehend Ages, the 2,000-year cycle, the 26,000-year cycle, the other cycles, as aspects of spirituality, astrology or astronomy—or something else—the dawn of each new age brings fascinating levels of awakening to humanity.
The Age of Pisces, which we left on December 21, 2020, leaned into its water element, including the dark, deep pools of unexplored emotion, buried treasures and hidden secrets that affect our lives. It also focused on the collective, which, by the end, we used to decimate the individual. Unfortunately, no collective is healthy when its individuals are oppressed. These have come to a head globally in politics and agenda, the surge of mental well-being challenges, the rediscovery of self and deeper ancient knowledge of our true power as creators, among other things.
The Age of Aquarius, in its known elemental air quality, will no longer sit by and allow self, the individual, unique ideas and ways of being, silenced voices, to be oppressed. All that brought shock, awe, mayhem and lost faith in leadership, this past decade or so, has come about because of the light air allows to come through. What you cannot see in the deep dark Waters of Pisces, cannot be hidden in the Air of Aquarius. Note, too, it cannot be pinned down i.e. defined readily, confined, structured—all elements of the deeper feminine. Exciting time to be alive.
** If you are embracing the feminine, as a woman, this is more than just a breath of fresh air. To mothers who attract income through effort or direct time and energy, the feminine invites you to find ways to do so that do not ask you to sacrifice your children or desire for them, if you currently feel that your hands are tied. More, it invites you to embrace your own truth on all of this, even if that means you don't want children, or as a Mom, you like the system as it is. As long as that is your truth. We are creative beyond measure. Speak to the women who have managed to be in leadership, lead well, and still work fewer hours and spend more time with their children. Anything is actually possible. **
This is long. This barely scratches the surface, which means that some concepts have been oversimplified—something I try to avoid. I'm likely going to write properly on this one day, but I hope this empowers someone, as it is, today. ❤️
In love, light and shadow, embracing all aspects of ourselves. 🌺
————
About Crystal-Marie
Crystal-Marie Sealy, MBA, is a dedicated mom, first, a two-time best-selling author and keynote speaker. She occasionally offers paid virtual keynotes for women and author readings for children. Crystal-Marie's focus is "Authenticity for Gentle Resilience" through self-acceptance, intuition and the feminine, honouring individual sovereignty. Her first children's book, "The Brave Little Puffer Fish Authenticity for Children", has rave reviews and a five-star rating on Amazon. Previously, as strategy consultant, president and founder of Crystal-Marie Sealy—previously Successiory (2011-2019)—Crystal-Marie's signature "Mindful Entrepreneurship for Mindful Affluence™" empowered service and intuition-based professionals, but this service is currently on hold. Connect with Crystal-Marie, if this resonates with you and your audience, at www.CrystalMarieSealy.com
