Does what you Present align with your spoken Values?
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Being human, we all fall a bit short of our true values.
If you're attempting to live mindfully or you've made introspection a part of your daily journey, you'll unearth a few more double-standards within yourself than you'd like to find.
Mindfulness
means
you're gentle with yourself
when you discover them, perhaps even laughingly making those little changes as you go along to bring you into greater alignment with what your true values are.
Busy-ness,
however, means
we often miss where double-standards
not only slip in, but often become the 'norm' without us realizing it.
Again, this is not to pass judgement, on yourself or on others,
but to get us (yes, you and me, both of us human) to make the time to step back and assess what we're actually doing. What our lives actually attest to.
A few scenarios on our 'values', just to check in...
Free will
is absolutely a core value of mine, but... |
Scenarios:
"...I expect my friends to support my initiatives." Regardless of what they're dealing with, where their values lie at this time.
"...Of course I expect you to 'follow me back' on social media when I do." Regardless of what's relevant to them? How does it affect you, your newsfeed, your content, following everyone?
"...I can often turn a 'No' into a 'Yes' to close the deal". Does this disregard their free will? How do you feel when this happens to you? A bit resentful, if it drains your time, energy, focus?
Everything we need lies within,
but... |
Scenarios:
"...sometimes clients don't know what they need, so they need to be told or at least guided." Do they really? Do you honour your own views or do Gurus always know what's best for you?
"...my advice makes people aware of what's within." Does it really? Is that often true when the tables are turned?
"...sometimes people need a kick in the pants to move." Do they? Or are they simply not ready to commit? Do you truly, whole-heartedly commit to something you were forced to decide?
You
can
do life and business on your terms,
but... |
Scenarios:
"...everyone should at least do/have/be <_____> to succeed." If so, then do you really believe 'life and business on your own terms' is possible?
"...they just need to implement my systems/frameworks to succeed." As it can't be both, then which is your true value statement?
"...no one can do it alone" / "...everyone needs a mentor" / "...everyone needs community first." Really assess what your true values are, as they can't be any of these and 'life and business on your own terms'.
Positivity and Authenticity are both important to me,
but... |
Scenarios:
"...you can't actually be positive when you're authentically dealing with pain." Are you sure? Is it possible that being authentic and positive means you acknowledge all feelings before assessing how to move forward positively out of that experience?
"...smiley people annoy me. Who's that chipper all the time?" Perhaps we don't know how they got to be smiley all the time. Do you have days where you're so full of gratitude that you can't help but smile? What is your truth here?
These are just a few of the values we often claim to have
that our day-to-day habits suggest are not our authentic values. It's fine if you don't believe these things - regardless of how many people expect you to - and it's okay to own your truth regardless of what others think. If you
do
truly believe these things, you know that these scenarios barely scratch the surface of our running internal double-standard conversations.
If these haunt you, even a little, I hope the following ideas help.
Possible steps forward...
Free will
is absolutely a core value of mine, but... |
Consider:
This actually calls for us to make peace with the boundaries of our own arenas. To find validation within, rather than in the actions and responses of others. Clarity on what you have control over.
If your own free will matters to you,
take a second to daydream. Consider scenarios that make you
defend it
and those that make you
celebrate it
. Do you take action most out of obligation (real or imagined) or free will? Now turn the tables in a few situations you've lived in the past few weeks.
In their shoes, how does that feel?
Everything we need lies within,
but... |
Consider:
This invites you to assess whether or not you actually believe this is an absolute or an 'occasional' truth. If it is absolute, are external 'guides', mentors, advisors, coaches, potential triggers or must 'good advice (relevant and timely or not) always be taken'? How many times have you 'started over', because different mentors have given different advice? How much time do you devote to hearing yourself? This is a good indication of whether or not this is truly one of your core values.
Turning the tables:
if you honour that this is a core value of the person you're speaking to, how do you ensure that your conversation is inviting consideration, rather than forcing your perspective on the other person... or
'better informing' them?
You
can
do life and business on your terms,
but... |
Consider:
If you truly believe this, do your schedule, energy, client engagement process, family engagement - everything about you - reflect that? Does your community honour your business model and preferred lifestyle? This actually affects your health, so think this one through.
Turning the tables:
Do you often tell others to live their lives, or run their businesses differently? Do you find that you have to convince others to invest in your services, or do you connect with those already seeking you?
How do you honour this value system.
Positivity and Authenticity are both important to me,
but... |
Scenarios:
Consider the perspective that 'life balance' means living a static life (never changing or moving), whereas 'life harmony' means giving priority to what you choose at different times in your life - life doesn't stand still. Positive mindset refers to a predominant state of joy or appreciation, and not an eternal state of never having negative emotions. Authenticity demands that you're true to yourself in all arenas. What does that mean for you? Is "Positivity and Authenticity" a paradox or a contradiction for you?
Turning the tables:
whether you believe it or not, it's important to acknowledge that. Then, it's important to acknowledge that (if you honour free will) others may have found the paradox. It doesn't mean they're never unhappy, simply that they've found different ways to manage it. Stay true to your intuition -
you know a false smile when you see one.
Still,
smiling often is not a sign that one is not authentic.
Leave room for others to be who (and where) they are on their journey.
Live and let live.
Whatever your beliefs...
Wherever you stand, I hope to leave you with this.
If we are ever to be a truly thriving global community,
we start by looking within, at what our own truths are. It is strong, conscious individuals that make up a healthy, sustainable community - not a few fear-filled heads or 'leaders'.
What do you think?
Yours in love and light,
Crystal-Marie S
