A More Conscious Pace
/First Place. No Time for Second
I'm not sure what your daily grind is like,
but for so many of us it's become so routine that we don't think about why we do what we do anymore. Now, many of us just seem to think about how quickly we can get it done so we can
move on to the rest of our checklists.
That, or we get lost in huge projects we know we're good at
to avoid thinking
about the things we know we need to address. I do both, but when I'm getting from point A to point B, I'm so irritated by the 'wasted' time it takes to get there that I see nothing else as I whiz by others (cars, pedestrians) to be 'first'. First? Yes, first - up the stairs, at the stop light, crossing the street.
"What? Stopping to smell what roses?!"
Getting Past First Place. Wait, What?
I don't know how your mind maps this,
but my rationale is that I want to complete my 'urgent' checklist, so that I'll have no distractions when I get to my 'important' checklist. There are a lot of important aspects of my life that get 'left behind' because I have to put out all of these fires - family, health, bathroom breaks, drinking water (! really?!) - because I'm
chasing this mythical version of 'complete'... perfection.
I've always been introspective,
but adulthood left only those few moments before bed to make that happen.
Well, so I thought.
Lately, on my journey of the discovery of 'self-care', I began to rediscover my love of nature and the joy of stopping to see what's happening in 'this moment' - not 10 years down the road. I also discovered that I was raised with this sense of
"if you're not rushing you're wasting time"
and, worse,
"everyone's time is more important that yours. Your needs, schedule, can wait"
. Is this just me, or can you relate to this?
2014 to now has been a period of learning
'the other side' of me. No, Trinis. Not my 'vex' side. The side of me that's not 'all business', task-oriented, performance-driven, but the side that's loving, patient, compassionate, empowering and enthusiastic. I no longer make apologies for getting excited, for not remaining stoic. Life is too short.
You want to stay happy? Find joy in small things.
Stop 'saying' it; do it. I mean really drink that Kool Aid! It takes a lot of energy to change a habit; even more to stay aware enough to change a mindset. It's even draining, but I truly believe it's worth it.
Become Aware. Changing Mindsets and Habits
Have you figured out how to do that?
It's great to talk about putting the energy into changing your mindset to change your habits, but you want to
put your energy into the best way to do that.
I don't have the answer. As a work in progress, I'm learning what works for me and what doesn't. I suspect there may be no magic formula. This means you'll have to
:
What does it take to heighten your awareness? What makes you stop running to look around?
What drives your habit of running the 'rat race', everyday, all the time? Can you identify it?
Is it discomfort with quiet time, empty moments, being 'unproductive'? Fear of not getting 'it' done?
I believe even the questions you'll have to ask yourself may be unique to you. What are they
?
Conscious Pace
Conscious Pace
is the term I've coined for moving, working, operating at a pace where you are conscious of why you're doing what you're doing.
A pace that allows you to be present in the moment,
whether you're doing something or simply being. A pace that allows you to be present, with your actual senses, without thinking of how it should be or what's missing; simply taking in the moment. Experiencing, subconsciously memorizing, feeling, being, in that moment.
When was the last time you slowed down
enough for that to happen? You won't capture every moment, but if you start doing that for 2 minutes a week and work your way up in intervals, you should journal the experience. Your heart races less, you breathe more deeply (you're aware of your breathing), your shoulders relax. It's amazing.
Holding Space
Holding Space
is a new concept for me, in terms of words, but it was definitely
the missing link to so many explanations,
in my mind. Holding space - for yourself or for others - means you're
'leaving the door open'.
This can be in the context of a conversation, relationship, experience, moment, that you know is incomplete but
that can't be completed at this point in time.
The reasons you can't complete 'it' can be infinite,
but some examples could be - can't explain, not ready yet, fear, hurt, venue, present company.
A very common reason
is that you know you need to choose your words/make your decision carefully, but feel that time is running out and the very act of 'rushing' to form the idea, means anxiety has demolished the structure of your thoughts. So,
you 'hold space' for yourself, or for the person
who needs to be able to come back to it. You hold space for many reasons because you:
Love that person and, yes, yourself
Empathize and know it's important
Honour, value, that person, even if you can't understand
Honour, value, yourself enough to be patient with yourself until you 'figure "it" out'
These are just a few, but I think the greatest reason is love.
Caution: Get to know yourself, your boundaries, before you go off holding space for everyone.
You can spread yourself too thin - this has dire health impacts, waste child-bearing years in a relationship that's going nowhere, enable self-destructive habits in loved ones or stay in toxic friendships or jobs, holding space without knowing your boundaries. I wrote
this post on setting clear boundaries
earlier. I've since grown in my perspectives, but you'll get the gist of the message here. Be wise, but be gentle with yourself.
I hope this has helped you
to take a step back from the busy-ness of life to love yourself a bit and 'smell the roses', so to speak. I'd love to get your insights on what's worked in the past, and what's working for you now, in learning to
'live in the present'.
Thank you for reading. You can also find me at
. Have a great week!
