A Reflective Place, Rituals & Clarity

September,

November and January are always intuitively new beginnings for me.

I think how much I will miss summer and then fall sweeps me away on a beautiful and reflective spell. Any and everything is possible.

What seasons, activities, rituals, do this for you?

I'm learning: Empowering through Invitation, not Direction

Ever evolving, learning and growing, as I embrace my full self and all that that means,

I'm learning to be less directive and more inviting

not just in my writing, but in my workshops and speaking engagements, client engagements and, frankly, in conversation with myself as well. From what I've seen and personally experienced,

empowerment, with long-term commitment,

happens when the invitation is accepted at your core, 

within your comfort zone

(a taboo these days with the gurus and 'coaches'). You can commit long-term because

it truly resonates with the aligned you.

Rituals? What rituals?

As I begin to get gentler with myself,

making time to embrace, smile with and fill my 'cup' with self love every morning - in the mirror, while in bed, through my journal, support by my

"May You Know Joy"

cards

- I realized that each day I started that way was a day where I interacted very differently with each encounter I had,

where I stayed in the present.

That self love overflowed into my engagement with others, and re-framed each situation far more positively for me. Diffused some situations and exploded others with extreme empowerment for all involved.

Beautiful to watch.

I've found those morning rituals, particularly at this time of year,

keep me clear on my reality and my power to continue to create the reality I truly desire.

That is particularly important, when you're in transition. In my case, transitioning away from clients and community that don't embrace that thinking.

Transitioning toward clients and community who do.

It allows me to be gentle with myself, knowing that this transition reminds me of why right community matters, and to accept that all who are have a right to create their own realities in.

It's soothing, regardless of the situation.

On rituals, it took me a couple years to embrace them.

Coming from a religious background, I'd grown to resent the whole idea of

"having to do something to receive blessings"

, because the God (universe, force, whatever you believe) I have known even as a child

never had a price on the miracles s/he's bestowed upon me.

In hindsight, there have always been miracles taking me through life. As I am able to step back from resentment now, I realize it's because I allowed those "rituals" to be forced on me.

I've learned now that rituals are merely the acts that give each of us, individually:

1. Time: as much (or as little) as we each need, to get clear on our beliefs as we face the world. 

2. Space: to slow down enough to re-incorporate those beliefs more fully into our psyche. 

3. Sensory reality: whether your rituals are visual, experiential, auditory, intuitive or other, bringing them into your physical, day to day, reality, again to seal it in as real. This one is important, because we seal everything else in this way - at work, writing reports, engaging in 'realistic, intellectual' discussions that don't often align with those beliefs, etc.

Here, I want to stop to ensure you're clear that at all times, you've invited

to implement anything that resonates, in a way that works for you. No two (2) of us are exactly alike and need exactly the same things to keep us awakened in our beliefs, our values.

If you're not being true to You, then neither you nor the world benefits.

So whether you aren't ready for rituals yet, have rituals without even realizing it, practice your rituals before bed, on mornings, or as you desire throughout the day/week/when you remember (let's be honest),

please do what works for you.

Clarity as Motherhood Approaches

This year is particularly moving for me, perhaps because I'm becoming a mother in October of this year. Thrilled, as I've been planning for this since I was 12, but happy I've waited this long, because I'm now in a place where I plan less and am

thrilled to discover, more - who she is!

Even so, rituals fell away as focus became difficult during pregnancy - except with work for some reason.

I suppose, like I mentioned above, it's because work is what we've been trained the most on and what we spend most of our time on.

For me, making those rituals even more important.

September has seen a very natural re-awakening of my flow into those rituals, again. Motherhood, has shifted the focus from 'nice to do' to 'enjoy doing this, and

looking forward to how it my little one responds to rituals'.

Clarity has come in this season,

with my intermittent journaling, conversations with myself, etcetera, and I hope, whatever you do, you find that too. It means:

• You're clear on your priorities, regardless of what others may 'need' to foist unto you. 

• You find you're less resentful that they "asked for something so ridiculous", because you can accept that it's simply what they want, but that you prefer what you want and know you're only responsible for that.

• You're better at managing expectations too, after a while.

It's pretty amazing.

Plus, has anyone noticed that 2017 seems to be the year

everyone's getting pregnant and having babies?

It's happening globally - I have friends and colleagues everywhere sharing the good news! I hope you're enjoying whatever you birth this year -

my business

is also my baby, so I can relate.

Reflection. What moves you to reflect, find clarity?

Space, quite alone time and autumn, small un-forced rituals,

September (November and January, as well) awaken this within me.

I'd love to know what brings you into this reflective place,

as I seek out more like-minded community.

I'm always learning.

I hope to hear from you soon!

Warmly,

Crystal-Marie S.

www.instagram.com/Successiory

(Initially @cmaries08)

---

ABOUT CRYSTAL-MARIE SEALY, MBA

MBA, speaker, dancer, blogger, strategy consultant, author and - like all of us - so much more,

Crystal-Marie

is driven by her passion to see everyone

govern themselves in love, as individuals,

so they when they step out into the world, all of who they are is what builds

a greater global community.

 In all she does, her goal is to awaken us all to learn who we are individually, trust that being and live that authentically (not necessarily rebelliously) from a place of love, so that you're always operating in your truth.

It's the source of all confidence.

Founder and president of

Successiory

, Crystal-Marie

works with

premium-service solo entrepreneurs and professionals who recognize that earning in abundance positions them to make the difference they want to make in the world

- be it for themselves, their families or the world at large. She supports clients as they awaken to the realities of the impact on the

pricing, schedules and client community

(those who already know they need, value and will invest in them), so they have better quality of life and, therefore, are able to be living examples of that success with their own clients and all they encounter. 

Feel free to subscribe to this blog,

 to follow her journey and enjoy what resonates, or for entrepreneurship/small business support, her Successiory mailing list (

www.eepurl.com/Xoa_D

). 

Blogging on Instagram (Quick Interlude)

Hello my Loves,

It seems I've gotten swept up in the ease that Instagram has created in allowing my to capture my idea in a quote image then expand on it in the description below. Still, I miss writing to you - to myself - here.

Slowly but surely, I'll return that content to this blog, where it belongs.

So much growth, learning and grounded authenticity has come out of my journey, since we last connected here.

I'm looking forward to sharing this with you.

Warmly,

Crystal-Marie S.

www.instagram.com/Successiory

 (Initially @cmaries08)

Media misinformation. Do we need it?

Hi Lovely People!

I've been a bit quiet, taking a step back to infuse my life and business with all I've been learning about life and business around intuition, flow and accepting what is. That continues, but I wanted to pop my head out to get your position, and hopefully help you take a step back to breathe, a bit, with all that's happening in our world.

If You Must Read Your Unfiltered Newsfeed

I love the advice given by Ann Douglas (thank you, Ann),

in her blog post

"How to Avoid Being Psychologically Destroyed by Your Newsfeed"

. I believe these words are for those of us who still hold that more information is always better. Read this article yourself, of course, but a quick overview:

1. Informed does not mean immersed - your newsfeed needn't be on 24/7. 

2. Routine helps - "healthy food, regular physical activity, time for fun, and adequate sleep..." (absolutely agree re: sleep being the glue, here Ann - more from Jason Fried on sleep!) 

3. Taking action diffuses anxiety and sadness a bit - "writing a letter, making a donation, attending a face-to-face get-together in your town". 

4. Feel what you feel. Suppressing feelings suppresses the positive feelings as well - "remind yourself that feelings come and go". 

5. Maintain optimism - Ann mentioned it's crucial to believe in a future, or you won't move. 

6. Reach out - don't crumble inward - Ann talks about connecting with community, here. 

7. Talk to your children - Ann talks about acknowledging their fears (they're living this too), sparking compassion and encouraging them to dream of a better future. 

Some of us are already hooked - we can't just put it away. If this is you,

I truly believe Ann's guide is a very sound one. Of course, I'm also a firm believer in being lead from within, so this is good advice only if it resonates with you, within. As always, take what works and leave what doesn't.

If You're Staying Informed To Seem Informed, Keep Up With The Jones', Not Seem Heartless...

...then may I invite you to let that all go?

I invite you to take it one step further, from time to time, if not permanently - consider cutting it out altogether. Instead of using your energy and brain space sussing out fact from fiction, why not

put that energy into seeing and creating what's beautiful

- the love and good we need more of in the world - instead of fretting and fighting over the bad?

If you agree that

"whatever you focus on expands"

,

that Mother Teresa was right when she said

'pro-peace rally, yes. anti-war rally, no'

, then living in constant fear and anxiety hasn't been working. Much like our battles with

perfectionism

, I believe that

'intelligent people remain informed'

is also a myth of what's valuable.

What do you think?

Can we leave the media and 'opinion-based facts' behind and start building the good we want to see in our world?

Here are a few options I've found, myself,

to stay optimistic and let go of the Paranoid Press Phenomenon. Don't worry,

you don't have to drop social media

altogether 😉:

1. Facebook & LinkedIn. Hide posts that upset you. After a while, you'll see who's always sharing those. You don't have to unfriend them. You can Unfollow them, instead. Look for the next happy post. If that person often shares positives, click on their profile for your 'happy' fix. 

2. Twitter. Unfollow = unfriend, here. If you don't want to, simply create a Twitter List for "Informative" people before you Unfollow them, so you can still connect with them there. As with Facebook, find a more positive profile and go through their posts for a quick 'happy' fix. 

3. Instagram & Pinterest. I believe you'd have to unfollow the account (or on Pinterest, the Boards) that shares the content. It is worth it for your sanity. "Bell Let's Talk" didn't get a lot of traction this year because 'mental wellness' is a theoretical issue. It's real - take care of yours. 

4. In the real world, whether in person or on the phone, kindly say "Look, I'm taking a sabbatical from that subject, and any other downers. Can we focus on <something you like> instead?" If you come under attack for 'avoiding', walk away. Decide if that's permanent or not.

5. In your own head, I don't know why we avoid this, have a different conversation. There are a lot of pieces recently on the power of journaling or positive self talk. If you find you're spiraling about all that's wrong, where the world's headed, your own beautiful flaws, stop and breathe. Do whatever works to bring you into a more positive headspace - focus on the positive aspects of any of those things, write, shout, find your favourite happy Pinterest Board, spa day, go for high tea, a walk - whatever you need. You can't escape your mind, so reframe it.

If this made your chest stop squeezing,

your shoulders relax and your breath go deeper, send me a smile or a thanks. It's not an easy path - it requires remaining conscious of what you're reading. Be gentle with yourself, if you can. It'll take time, and you'll fall back into it from time to time. When you do, just catch yourself, laugh it off, and move on.

What works for You?

This journey of mine has reaffirmed that

diversity truly is beautiful.

 Part of that beauty is that different things work for each of us. I'd love to hear what works for you, to stay positive.

Yours in Love, Light and Joy.

--

Crystal-Marie

Money Matters. Dispelling the Hype.

Today my someone sent me a JPG:

"You are not a loan"

.

I laughed at first, as my mind raced with all the ways that that could have been interpreted, but then it hit me. Is that how I saw myself?

I don't know if you fell for the hype around education, but I

totally 'drank the Kool-Aid'.

• Education is important and any amount of debt is worth having it.

• When you graduate you will get a job in the $Xk bracket; the recession will be over by the time you graduate.

• You have to invest in yourself (even above your means) to get there.

[

Smile... Kool-Aid

.

I couldn't help it. Even the Kool-Aid realized something was amiss.]

As with every exaggeration,

there's just enough truth here to make us buy-in, but it's not entirely true. I'm writing this as it pertains to education, but this may apply to other high-priced dreams.

If things like autonomy and financial freedom

matter to you, if you envision a life where 100% of the money you earn is yours to spend, share or save as you choose, then blindly applying the above philosophies will not get you there. I'd just like to share a few insights below.

Loans. Only One Path to Education/Your Dream.

On the first matter of

"Education is important and any amount of debt is worth having it",

no one's mentioned "life after debt". Here are a few alternatives to a Bank Loan or any kind of Student Loan.

1. Sponsors. These are people who fund your venture, idea or education in exchange for a non-monetary benefit. If there's an organization you have a great idea to help, and that degree, certificate, will hep you better support them, the value of your certified expertise may be worth it for them. What organizations can you truly help? What is your passion?

2. Crowdfunding. This is a public campaign to get funding for almost any reasonable cause. If your goal is to become an entrepreneur, and your resulting service/product will help a lot of people, it would be beneficial for them to fund your education to make that happen. If someone can get over $50k for potato salad, you can get your education funded. Who will you help?

3. Education-Exchange. This one I admit I haven't seen happen, but if professors can further their education while teaching a course, can't you? If you're more mature or you're changing fields, chances are you're carrying a lot of expertise that you may be able to trade with the right higher learning institution to get part (or all) of your education subsidized while you teach.

I do realize that some, or all, of these options may seem "ballsy", if they've never crossed your mind. I'm guessing, however, that if one of these opportunities fell into your lap, you'd take it any day over a huge loan from the bank.

These just require a bit more work and faith in yourself.

The beauty:

• Your money's your own after your education (or the idea you're funding).

• You'll be doing exactly what you wanted to do after, with your education (or the idea funded).

• You're propelled by the need to actually live your dream, not paying off debt.

Doesn't this sound better than 15 years' repaying debt? Why not try it?

When You Graduate... When You're Older... Why Not Now?

"When you graduate you will get a job in the $Xk bracket; the recession will be over."

Why not start earning now? Learn about business or your career path from those who've done it before. Still, learn on your own as well. Trust me, nothing sticks like the lessons you learn yourself. Honour that too.

• Want to start a business? Start while you're at school. Do your trials there, so when you graduate, you have a sustainable business model. 

• Want to work for a specific company, or in a specific role? Create your own projects where you have to do exactly those tasks, excel at them and use those to build your portfolio. By the time you get to the interview, you'll know exactly what you're talking about.

• Want to travel and see the world now? What organizations let groups travel where you want to? What can you offer to make it worth their while to take you? Deliver that.

I'm learning (better late than never) that getting creative is not just for generating art and beauty, but that

it's likely creativity that makes ordinary folks into heroes.

Get creative in learning how to love within you budget, even as you expand your budget.

And Now You. What's Your Perspective?

Everything I've spoken about above is focused on going well beyond your won financial means without going beyond your budget. It looks at creative ways to give something very valuable for the very valuable things you would like to have. What it doesn't speak to is the money side of things.

"You have to invest in yourself (even above your means) to get there."

What do you think? I believe you have to invest in yourself, and increase the means by which to do so, but I believe what you bring in should always surpass what you put out. I believe there's always a way to do both - enter contests to

win prizes

you want,

volunteer

at events where your ideal clients are,

speak

where possible.

What do you believe? What do your values say? I'd love to hear.

A More Conscious Pace

First Place. No Time for Second

I'm not sure what your daily grind is like,

but for so many of us it's become so routine that we don't think about why we do what we do anymore. Now, many of us just seem to think about how quickly we can get it done so we can

move on to the rest of our checklists.

That, or we get lost in huge projects we know we're good at

to avoid thinking

about the things we know we need to address. I do both, but when I'm getting from point A to point B, I'm so irritated by the 'wasted' time it takes to get there that I see nothing else as I whiz by others (cars, pedestrians) to be 'first'. First? Yes, first - up the stairs, at the stop light, crossing the street.

"What? Stopping to smell what roses?!"

Getting Past First Place. Wait, What?

I don't know how your mind maps this,

but my rationale is that I want to complete my 'urgent' checklist, so that I'll have no distractions when I get to my 'important' checklist. There are a lot of important aspects of my life that get 'left behind' because I have to put out all of these fires - family, health, bathroom breaks, drinking water (! really?!) - because I'm

chasing this mythical version of 'complete'... perfection.

I've always been introspective,

but adulthood left only those few moments before bed to make that happen.

Well, so I thought.

Lately, on my journey of the discovery of 'self-care', I began to rediscover my love of nature and the joy of stopping to see what's happening in 'this moment' - not 10 years down the road. I also discovered that I was raised with this sense of

"if you're not rushing you're wasting time"

and, worse,

"everyone's time is more important that yours. Your needs, schedule, can wait"

. Is this just me, or can you relate to this?

2014 to now has been a period of learning

'the other side' of me. No, Trinis. Not my 'vex' side. The side of me that's not 'all business', task-oriented, performance-driven, but the side that's loving, patient, compassionate, empowering and enthusiastic. I no longer make apologies for getting excited, for not remaining stoic. Life is too short.

You want to stay happy? Find joy in small things.

 Stop 'saying' it; do it. I mean really drink that Kool Aid! It takes a lot of energy to change a habit; even more to stay aware enough to change a mindset. It's even draining, but I truly believe it's worth it.

Become Aware. Changing Mindsets and Habits

Have you figured out how to do that?

It's great to talk about putting the energy into changing your mindset to change your habits, but you want to

put your energy into the best way to do that.

I don't have the answer. As a work in progress, I'm learning what works for me and what doesn't. I suspect there may be no magic formula. This means you'll have to

make time to get to know you

:

• What does it take to heighten your awareness? What makes you stop running to look around?

• What drives your habit of running the 'rat race', everyday, all the time? Can you identify it?

• Is it discomfort with quiet time, empty moments, being 'unproductive'? Fear of not getting 'it' done?

I believe even the questions you'll have to ask yourself may be unique to you. What are they

?

Conscious Pace

Conscious Pace

is the term I've coined for moving, working, operating at a pace where you are conscious of why you're doing what you're doing.

A pace that allows you to be present in the moment,

whether you're doing something or simply being. A pace that allows you to be present, with your actual senses, without thinking of how it should be or what's missing; simply taking in the moment. Experiencing, subconsciously memorizing, feeling, being, in that moment.

When was the last time you slowed down

enough for that to happen? You won't capture every moment, but if you start doing that for 2 minutes a week and work your way up in intervals, you should journal the experience. Your heart races less, you breathe more deeply (you're aware of your breathing), your shoulders relax. It's amazing.

Holding Space

Holding Space

is a new concept for me, in terms of words, but it was definitely

the missing link to so many explanations,

in my mind. Holding space - for yourself or for others - means you're

'leaving the door open'.

This can be in the context of a conversation, relationship, experience, moment, that you know is incomplete but

that can't be completed at this point in time.

The reasons you can't complete 'it' can be infinite,

but some examples could be - can't explain, not ready yet, fear, hurt, venue, present company.

A very common reason

is that you know you need to choose your words/make your decision carefully, but feel that time is running out and the very act of 'rushing' to form the idea, means anxiety has demolished the structure of your thoughts. So,

you 'hold space' for yourself, or for the person

who needs to be able to come back to it. You hold space for many reasons because you:

• Love that person and, yes, yourself

• Empathize and know it's important

• Honour, value, that person, even if you can't understand

• Honour, value, yourself enough to be patient with yourself until you 'figure "it" out'

These are just a few, but I think the greatest reason is love.

Caution: Get to know yourself, your boundaries, before you go off holding space for everyone.

You can spread yourself too thin - this has dire health impacts, waste child-bearing years in a relationship that's going nowhere, enable self-destructive habits in loved ones or stay in toxic friendships or jobs, holding space without knowing your boundaries. I wrote

this post on setting clear boundaries

earlier. I've since grown in my perspectives, but you'll get the gist of the message here. Be wise, but be gentle with yourself.

I hope this has helped you

to take a step back from the busy-ness of life to love yourself a bit and 'smell the roses', so to speak. I'd love to get your insights on what's worked in the past, and what's working for you now, in learning to

'live in the present'.

Thank you for reading. You can also find me at 

@cmaries08

. Have a great week!