A Reflective Place, Rituals & Clarity

September,

November and January are always intuitively new beginnings for me.

I think how much I will miss summer and then fall sweeps me away on a beautiful and reflective spell. Any and everything is possible.

What seasons, activities, rituals, do this for you?

I'm learning: Empowering through Invitation, not Direction

Ever evolving, learning and growing, as I embrace my full self and all that that means,

I'm learning to be less directive and more inviting

not just in my writing, but in my workshops and speaking engagements, client engagements and, frankly, in conversation with myself as well. From what I've seen and personally experienced,

empowerment, with long-term commitment,

happens when the invitation is accepted at your core, 

within your comfort zone

(a taboo these days with the gurus and 'coaches'). You can commit long-term because

it truly resonates with the aligned you.

Rituals? What rituals?

As I begin to get gentler with myself,

making time to embrace, smile with and fill my 'cup' with self love every morning - in the mirror, while in bed, through my journal, support by my

"May You Know Joy"

cards

- I realized that each day I started that way was a day where I interacted very differently with each encounter I had,

where I stayed in the present.

That self love overflowed into my engagement with others, and re-framed each situation far more positively for me. Diffused some situations and exploded others with extreme empowerment for all involved.

Beautiful to watch.

I've found those morning rituals, particularly at this time of year,

keep me clear on my reality and my power to continue to create the reality I truly desire.

That is particularly important, when you're in transition. In my case, transitioning away from clients and community that don't embrace that thinking.

Transitioning toward clients and community who do.

It allows me to be gentle with myself, knowing that this transition reminds me of why right community matters, and to accept that all who are have a right to create their own realities in.

It's soothing, regardless of the situation.

On rituals, it took me a couple years to embrace them.

Coming from a religious background, I'd grown to resent the whole idea of

"having to do something to receive blessings"

, because the God (universe, force, whatever you believe) I have known even as a child

never had a price on the miracles s/he's bestowed upon me.

In hindsight, there have always been miracles taking me through life. As I am able to step back from resentment now, I realize it's because I allowed those "rituals" to be forced on me.

I've learned now that rituals are merely the acts that give each of us, individually:

1. Time: as much (or as little) as we each need, to get clear on our beliefs as we face the world. 

2. Space: to slow down enough to re-incorporate those beliefs more fully into our psyche. 

3. Sensory reality: whether your rituals are visual, experiential, auditory, intuitive or other, bringing them into your physical, day to day, reality, again to seal it in as real. This one is important, because we seal everything else in this way - at work, writing reports, engaging in 'realistic, intellectual' discussions that don't often align with those beliefs, etc.

Here, I want to stop to ensure you're clear that at all times, you've invited

to implement anything that resonates, in a way that works for you. No two (2) of us are exactly alike and need exactly the same things to keep us awakened in our beliefs, our values.

If you're not being true to You, then neither you nor the world benefits.

So whether you aren't ready for rituals yet, have rituals without even realizing it, practice your rituals before bed, on mornings, or as you desire throughout the day/week/when you remember (let's be honest),

please do what works for you.

Clarity as Motherhood Approaches

This year is particularly moving for me, perhaps because I'm becoming a mother in October of this year. Thrilled, as I've been planning for this since I was 12, but happy I've waited this long, because I'm now in a place where I plan less and am

thrilled to discover, more - who she is!

Even so, rituals fell away as focus became difficult during pregnancy - except with work for some reason.

I suppose, like I mentioned above, it's because work is what we've been trained the most on and what we spend most of our time on.

For me, making those rituals even more important.

September has seen a very natural re-awakening of my flow into those rituals, again. Motherhood, has shifted the focus from 'nice to do' to 'enjoy doing this, and

looking forward to how it my little one responds to rituals'.

Clarity has come in this season,

with my intermittent journaling, conversations with myself, etcetera, and I hope, whatever you do, you find that too. It means:

• You're clear on your priorities, regardless of what others may 'need' to foist unto you. 

• You find you're less resentful that they "asked for something so ridiculous", because you can accept that it's simply what they want, but that you prefer what you want and know you're only responsible for that.

• You're better at managing expectations too, after a while.

It's pretty amazing.

Plus, has anyone noticed that 2017 seems to be the year

everyone's getting pregnant and having babies?

It's happening globally - I have friends and colleagues everywhere sharing the good news! I hope you're enjoying whatever you birth this year -

my business

is also my baby, so I can relate.

Reflection. What moves you to reflect, find clarity?

Space, quite alone time and autumn, small un-forced rituals,

September (November and January, as well) awaken this within me.

I'd love to know what brings you into this reflective place,

as I seek out more like-minded community.

I'm always learning.

I hope to hear from you soon!

Warmly,

Crystal-Marie S.

www.instagram.com/Successiory

(Initially @cmaries08)

---

ABOUT CRYSTAL-MARIE SEALY, MBA

MBA, speaker, dancer, blogger, strategy consultant, author and - like all of us - so much more,

Crystal-Marie

is driven by her passion to see everyone

govern themselves in love, as individuals,

so they when they step out into the world, all of who they are is what builds

a greater global community.

 In all she does, her goal is to awaken us all to learn who we are individually, trust that being and live that authentically (not necessarily rebelliously) from a place of love, so that you're always operating in your truth.

It's the source of all confidence.

Founder and president of

Successiory

, Crystal-Marie

works with

premium-service solo entrepreneurs and professionals who recognize that earning in abundance positions them to make the difference they want to make in the world

- be it for themselves, their families or the world at large. She supports clients as they awaken to the realities of the impact on the

pricing, schedules and client community

(those who already know they need, value and will invest in them), so they have better quality of life and, therefore, are able to be living examples of that success with their own clients and all they encounter. 

Feel free to subscribe to this blog,

 to follow her journey and enjoy what resonates, or for entrepreneurship/small business support, her Successiory mailing list (

www.eepurl.com/Xoa_D

). 

Reflecting on our Beliefs. Releasing the Kool-Aid

We're all learning, growing, drawing lessons and blessings in each experience that we have in each moment that we're alive. We're all leveraging duality - the aspects of each experience that make you happy and those that are uncomfortable - to get clearer on what works and what doesn't. A part of that process is taking the time to reflect. What have you gotten over the past year? I'd love to hear. Here are a few of mine.

A Reflection of My Beliefs. Releasing the Kool-Aid

Some of what we believe has come from consciously selecting what truly resonates.

Still, some has been fed to us and sits in our subconscious mind, governing some of what we attract in our lives, whether we're aware of it or not.

As I share, I hope you see it as an invitation to see what governs our decisions - to pursue or quit, to step out or pull back, to love or fear. Each path is unique, so not all of these will resonate. Trust your gut. My lessons:

1. Abundance does not mean "redistribution of existing wealth". It means the availability of enough for every appetite - both your perspective of abundance and those who seem insatiable.

2. I deserve to be truly happy and successful in ease and flow, simply because I AM and have the ability to create anything I can think up. So I will be. No one owes me, I'm not "entitled" - a word folks use to berate millennials for having a different experience (and economic reality). 

3. Ease and flow doesn't mean drifting on clouds using no energy, but that when I learn to hear and trust my intuition, my only true 'work' is to listen to my intuition. All action required for success is, then, borne of excitement, an inexplicable certainty and serendipity, attracting mainly opportunities that serve that defined success. 

4. There is little I can teach but by example, and only to those with whom it truly resonates. Everyone is wise. While not all of their wisdom is meant for me, their wisdom is priceless.

5. Positivity is not a part-time gig. If "what you focus on expands" as Oprah says, then positivity would have to a way of life. As Mother Teresa said, she'll attend a pro-peace rally but never an anti-war. To that end, I will face my hurts and fears - absorb the lessons, acknowledge those lessons as blessings, then release any resentment or grudges - then, focus on the good. 

6. Focusing on what creates sanctuary and draws my goals closer, is not selfish. From community to activities, it is what will make me succeed so greatly that all I can do, in that state of success, is overflow, empowering others to achieve the same for themselves.

7. "No" is a complete sentence and requires no explanation. Those who push me in anyway to do what I have not expressly decided in my innermost self to do, good intentions or not, are to be released. 

8. The collective good is borne from the overflow of self care. Beware of any who go to the extreme, as to lose knowledge of what your own being means to lose any ability to contribute meaningfully to any collective. Whole, honoured individuals make for healthy community.

So much more has come to me as I wake up, but this is what has come out for this post.

What sits well with you? What doesn't?

Does it resonate (or not) because you've checked within and it doesn't, or because you were taught to accept (or reject) it? I invite you to freely choose what resonates within, and extend this list in your own journal, heart, art, however you best express You.

To a year ahead that truly serves you,

so that you learn to trust yourself and seek out what propels you, so that you inspire and empower others to step into their own truth, accepting that their truth will likely differ from yours, but be equally as valid - a paradox rather than a conflict.

If you enjoyed this,

there's a calendar for sale (20% goes to

www.aistoronto.ca

) with similar words of inspiration and invitation, to keep you inspired all year long. You can use it to map chores, if nothing else. 😉 [

Printable $10

|

Editable $15

|

Both $20

]

In peace, love, joy and prosperity in all things.

--

Crystal-Marie Sealy

Speaker, Strategy & Social Media Consultant at

Successiory

When It's Louder Than Usual (Women)

There's a time every month

when we as women are generally least able to focus on external things because

what's going on inside is much louder than usual.

Your mind is in a fog:

• The lists, plans and logical frameworks that usually keep you on track are meaningless,

• The situations you've trained yourself to ignore, somehow irritate/hurt you more than usual, 

• Your thoughts are suddenly big-picture, philosophical and emotional.

"I Have My Period"

I really want to invite you to consider that

you're not crazy.

You're not "PMS-ing" in that how you feel is not something to apologize for (**we can all work on how we act). You simply cannot ignore yourself any longer. You're in a world that has no time for you, and frankly, you follow suit. Your period is the one time when your spirit, soul and body come together, united, to say

"we will no longer be denied (at least for the next 3 days!)"

This blog is largely about

hearing your own thoughts

and the importance of self-care. I don't know about you, but despite all of it, I have to wonder why it's taken me all of my 33 years to realize that 

it's not a good thing that this is what my body has to do to be heard.

I believe if we're paying attention to all of our needs all month,

our

entire being

wouldn't have to "line up" for this small window of time in order to be heard

and, for most of us, we wouldn't walk on eggshells for fear of breathing fire on everyone. I'm sure, we'd still be more conscious and aware at this time of month, but

it wouldn't knock us off our feet

if

emotional and spiritual self-care (love, compassion, grace, playfulness) were a part of our daily lives.

This was huge for me, and yet every time of the month since, I've been caught by surprise. It takes a while to move things from the head to the heart. Funny how, when you're studying something in earnest, God brings everything you need your way. Here's what I found.

Embracing All of You

You may not share the beliefs

or practices in the video below, and thus may not agree with the specifics of Joanne's "time of the month" package, but I'd like to invite you to create your own. What items can you make a habit of surrounding yourself with during this time?

What excites your sense of sight, smell, taste, sound and touch?

These are the things that will help you to listen to yourself.

Here's what 

Joanne Ameya Cohen

 does.

 Perhaps it will help you create your own ritual, or your own 'space' in time and energy, to honour and listen to what you (spirit, soul and body) has to say...

Again, take from this what speaks to your inner self -

the individual that is known and loved completely and unconditionally (good, bad and ugly) only between you and your maker. Really invite yourself to consciously see how your spirit, soul (mind, will, emotions) and body respond.

Where Are You in All of This?

I'd love to hear what works for you.

So far, I'm stuck on:

• Visuals, flowers, minimalist architecture and all things in my shade of pink (see pics)

• Scent, still seeking, but a very unique French Vanilla and baby powder

• Taste, still seeking as well, but grapes, Raspberry Kefir and spicy Cheetos

I'm still working on the

textures for touch

and

sounds including words,

 which I'm very sensitive to regardless of time of month.

You?

Remember,

you are worth every bit of the time, energy and space

 you're willing to invest in others. If you're not filled to overflow, your giving will not be from a cheerful place of overflow, but from a place of duty which, when you begin to run low, turns to resentment.

So stay full!

A More Conscious Pace

First Place. No Time for Second

I'm not sure what your daily grind is like,

but for so many of us it's become so routine that we don't think about why we do what we do anymore. Now, many of us just seem to think about how quickly we can get it done so we can

move on to the rest of our checklists.

That, or we get lost in huge projects we know we're good at

to avoid thinking

about the things we know we need to address. I do both, but when I'm getting from point A to point B, I'm so irritated by the 'wasted' time it takes to get there that I see nothing else as I whiz by others (cars, pedestrians) to be 'first'. First? Yes, first - up the stairs, at the stop light, crossing the street.

"What? Stopping to smell what roses?!"

Getting Past First Place. Wait, What?

I don't know how your mind maps this,

but my rationale is that I want to complete my 'urgent' checklist, so that I'll have no distractions when I get to my 'important' checklist. There are a lot of important aspects of my life that get 'left behind' because I have to put out all of these fires - family, health, bathroom breaks, drinking water (! really?!) - because I'm

chasing this mythical version of 'complete'... perfection.

I've always been introspective,

but adulthood left only those few moments before bed to make that happen.

Well, so I thought.

Lately, on my journey of the discovery of 'self-care', I began to rediscover my love of nature and the joy of stopping to see what's happening in 'this moment' - not 10 years down the road. I also discovered that I was raised with this sense of

"if you're not rushing you're wasting time"

and, worse,

"everyone's time is more important that yours. Your needs, schedule, can wait"

. Is this just me, or can you relate to this?

2014 to now has been a period of learning

'the other side' of me. No, Trinis. Not my 'vex' side. The side of me that's not 'all business', task-oriented, performance-driven, but the side that's loving, patient, compassionate, empowering and enthusiastic. I no longer make apologies for getting excited, for not remaining stoic. Life is too short.

You want to stay happy? Find joy in small things.

 Stop 'saying' it; do it. I mean really drink that Kool Aid! It takes a lot of energy to change a habit; even more to stay aware enough to change a mindset. It's even draining, but I truly believe it's worth it.

Become Aware. Changing Mindsets and Habits

Have you figured out how to do that?

It's great to talk about putting the energy into changing your mindset to change your habits, but you want to

put your energy into the best way to do that.

I don't have the answer. As a work in progress, I'm learning what works for me and what doesn't. I suspect there may be no magic formula. This means you'll have to

make time to get to know you

:

• What does it take to heighten your awareness? What makes you stop running to look around?

• What drives your habit of running the 'rat race', everyday, all the time? Can you identify it?

• Is it discomfort with quiet time, empty moments, being 'unproductive'? Fear of not getting 'it' done?

I believe even the questions you'll have to ask yourself may be unique to you. What are they

?

Conscious Pace

Conscious Pace

is the term I've coined for moving, working, operating at a pace where you are conscious of why you're doing what you're doing.

A pace that allows you to be present in the moment,

whether you're doing something or simply being. A pace that allows you to be present, with your actual senses, without thinking of how it should be or what's missing; simply taking in the moment. Experiencing, subconsciously memorizing, feeling, being, in that moment.

When was the last time you slowed down

enough for that to happen? You won't capture every moment, but if you start doing that for 2 minutes a week and work your way up in intervals, you should journal the experience. Your heart races less, you breathe more deeply (you're aware of your breathing), your shoulders relax. It's amazing.

Holding Space

Holding Space

is a new concept for me, in terms of words, but it was definitely

the missing link to so many explanations,

in my mind. Holding space - for yourself or for others - means you're

'leaving the door open'.

This can be in the context of a conversation, relationship, experience, moment, that you know is incomplete but

that can't be completed at this point in time.

The reasons you can't complete 'it' can be infinite,

but some examples could be - can't explain, not ready yet, fear, hurt, venue, present company.

A very common reason

is that you know you need to choose your words/make your decision carefully, but feel that time is running out and the very act of 'rushing' to form the idea, means anxiety has demolished the structure of your thoughts. So,

you 'hold space' for yourself, or for the person

who needs to be able to come back to it. You hold space for many reasons because you:

• Love that person and, yes, yourself

• Empathize and know it's important

• Honour, value, that person, even if you can't understand

• Honour, value, yourself enough to be patient with yourself until you 'figure "it" out'

These are just a few, but I think the greatest reason is love.

Caution: Get to know yourself, your boundaries, before you go off holding space for everyone.

You can spread yourself too thin - this has dire health impacts, waste child-bearing years in a relationship that's going nowhere, enable self-destructive habits in loved ones or stay in toxic friendships or jobs, holding space without knowing your boundaries. I wrote

this post on setting clear boundaries

earlier. I've since grown in my perspectives, but you'll get the gist of the message here. Be wise, but be gentle with yourself.

I hope this has helped you

to take a step back from the busy-ness of life to love yourself a bit and 'smell the roses', so to speak. I'd love to get your insights on what's worked in the past, and what's working for you now, in learning to

'live in the present'.

Thank you for reading. You can also find me at 

@cmaries08

. Have a great week!

Season's Greetings & 2014 Review

I have heard many say, this year, that

2014 was both terrible and awesome at once.

I can truly relate. That means, however, that we've all grown in some way. You may have learned that

you're more resilient than you thought,

or that there are more efficient ways to do something or quite simply that you'll do something very differently moving forward. Whatever you learned this year, I'm sure there is a positive perspective and takeaway, if not a few. Would you be willing to share what those were?

I believe none of our experiences are for naught. They're all necessary to help others advance too.

Source:

protectyourdreams.blogspot.com/2014/12/seasons-greetings-2014-review.html

My 2014 Eureka Moments

I don't know where to begin, but I'll aim for a list of 12 lessons I've learned this year, that I hope can help you find greater efficiency, balance and joy, in all areas of your lives.

1. If you enter every situation with Thanksgiving, you'll be surprised at how it will be turned around for good. Whether that's based on a change in perspective or a miracle, it's good.

2. Lesson #1 above has led to a series of serendipitous moments that I could not have dreamed up myself. From people to opportunities to new mindsets, our words do manifest our experiences.

3. In being true to myself, as I embrace the lessons above, I've also been a great source of inspiration without even realizing it! People have been moved to love and intrinsic purpose, after listening to me gush on about what I've been learning and how it's helped me.

4. Money is a friend, not a foe. This year, my mindsets around money have changed to understand that as a friend, financial wealth empowers me to be even more generous. When I am financially healthy, it is far easier for me to help others achieve the same.

5. My intuition is not just 'in my head', so to speak. It is a very real aspect of my being that has, to date, never (seriously) steered me wrong. I've attracted like-minded entrepreneurs, just by trusting my gut. It takes practice when you've ignored it for so long, but try it.

6. Love is the opposite of fear. We all believe it's Courage, but courage is merely a product of Love. This year, I've learned to focus on what I'm pursuing in Love, rather than dwelling on what could go wrong as I pursue it (fear). What would it look like for you to live this way?

7. Self-care is not selfish. Self care is the wise setting of boundaries to ensure that you remain whole as you pursue your dreams which, inevitably, will help others. We are of no use to anyone if we are burnt out or spread thin. We can't do anything well if we're doing everything.

8. When I am taking care of myself, even when it means saying "No" from a place of love to someone or something, I have created a safe space for them, too, to do the same. No one is forced to do what they don't want to, or really can't, do.

9. Lesson #8 also no longer comes with guilt or anxiety about letting others down or fear that something or someone might fail because I said "No". I completely understand (most days) that this "No" sets clear boundaries for me to be able to be at my best when I do say "Yes".

10. Lessons #8 and #9 became real to me when I viewed them through the lenses of my Time, my Goals, my Space, my Perspective, my Pace of life and decision-making, my Feelings, my Preferences, my Comfort Zone and Stretch Zone*, and other aspects of life. (*Your stretch zone refers to moments where you risk stepping out of your comfort zone to try something new. You shouldn't be coerced to enter this zone; it should be your decision. The Panic Zone is that zone beyond your stretch zone. If you're in the panic zone, you're not ready. It's fine to step back.)

11. I've always known this, but never put it into words. I make decisions from a place of conscious awareness of why I'm making those decisions. Decisions are no longer based on false time-pressure or peer-pressure or any kind. When I make conscious decisions, I know I am committed to those decisions, to seeing them to fruition.

12. I'm now more comfortable knowing that I am not to be all things, at all times, to all people. I know that my part is important, but I am free to stay balanced, true to myself, as I do my part.

Some of you may have heard me rave about some or all of these, already, but those are my 2014 - year of Eureka Moments - lessons. I know I'm not alone though.

Willing to share yours?

Wishing you, your loved ones and everyone you encounter, love, joy, healing and prosperity in every area of life.

See you in 2015!

Best, always!

Back To Basics - Your Approval Required

On March 28th, 2014, I wrote

In Honour of Your Freedom

(parts 1 and 2)

because I'd realized that I'd gotten stuck in making sure everyone else was happy and I stopped hearing my own thoughts. There's a difference, however, between being responsible in your treatment of others and being responsible for the happiness of others.

Source:

http://protectyourdreams.blogspot.ca/2014/07/back-to-basics-your-approval-required.html

A few days ago, I posted something on Facebook (I tend to post only encouragement, so this was rare):

"

I fell for that age-old trick. No more. I will not compromise. My ability... is not an affront to you. Be where you are, I will celebrate your successes, but don't ask me to be less so you can feel validated.

"

I was having a rough day - a downward spiral in my mind of everything I've done wrong and how my mistakes may have made others' stumble.

It started with a couple disapproving looks and some less-than-subtle comments from some people who've made some wrong assumptions about my life, but of course (according to my boyfriend),

I approved their application to 'take up real estate' in my head.

I sometimes think I'm alone in this, but yesterday, so many people related so strongly to this post, that I started to realize that this is an issue many others probably face.

By the time I'd gotten home, I'd started to see how many people in my life

I've fallen into "holding myself back" for, so they can feel better.

Whether that's a strength I have that they don't share (or perhaps don't know that they

do

share), or my drive and discipline around work and quality, that they either don't care about or haven't achieved yet.

The opposite is also true.

There are things I still struggle with, that others have probably never struggled with, and they really look down their noses at me for it. Often, these are the same people I don't come down on for being 'weak' in my areas of strength.

Source:

protectyourdreams.blogspot.ca

That afternoon, I felt like I was drowning.

The burden of walking on eggshells:

holding myself back because of other people's need for validation, and beating myself up because I make mistakes that perhaps others don't and I'm afraid I've corrupted others by sharing my mistakes,

is simply too much.

Recently, however, I've been repeatedly reminded that, first, that is not my burden to carry, and that, second, it is my right to approve (or disapprove) someone's 'freedom' to speak into my life, to place their expectations on me. I don't have to let the 'needs' and expectations of those I'm close to, determine my decisions. So...I choose to approve none of the 'applications',

regardless of how bold, old, close, knowledgeable, the 'applicants' are.

It's still hard to move that knowledge from my head to my heart, but I caution those of us who spend all of our time in community and carry this burden:

This

is a big part of why we all need some time alone

to hear ourselves think!

Once you're clear on how you think, feel, see things - on what your desires and needs are - then others are just supposed to be sound-boards to test your ideas.

They're not supposed to decide for you.

I'd advise that you keep others' out of those decisions, for now.

Discipline yourself to learn to make (and trust) your own decisions.

Even if you make mistakes, you're strengthened by a renewed sense of "ownership"! You made the decision, and you're strong enough to deal with the consequences. As this 'decision' has become an 'experience', you have concrete (not 'fear-based') evidence of why you're taking the next step you're taking - whatever that may be.

Try it!

Sound counsel is very important. Community is important. Truly, no man is an island, and we are stronger in community, but that is generally true because

each individual member of the community brings who s/he inherently is, to the table.

That makes for strong community.

So, who are you?

If you're always surrounded by 'community' that's manipulating, controlling - even with 'good intentions' - it's not a community that is beneficial to you, or to the community itself.

For your sanity - and for that community you care so much about - make the time to simply

sit and 'BE'.

Share all those those inner thoughts you have never shared with anyone, release all of those emotions you never release because they're "bad/wrong", in your moments alone - out loud, if you can, or in a journal. Only then, when these things are all brought into the light, can we see clearly to make decisions. Community offers support, yes, but who are they supporting when you can't hear your own thoughts anymore?

Make the time.

In Honour of Your Freedom (Part 2)

Part 1

of this mini-series set out to help you appreciate you – just you – because it is imperative to your ability to truly be free. Free of the need to hide from yourself and others, from fear of facing fears, and free to enjoy every moment of your life. I hope, having read Part 1, that you’ve started thinking about your boundaries – that sets the stage for Part 2 – you with others.

Boundaries – You with Others

Worth the Risk

Life’s lesson

is the process of

learning to love unconditionally.

 Parents, siblings, spouse, children - it's clear. In identifying, and then setting,

boundaries,

therefore, we have to

balance self-preservation with accepting others

as they are. Now, to those of us who are

“

all or nothing

”

about relationships, I caution against missing out on great people by being too rigid.

No one is perfect,

so as humans, we inevitably hurt each other sometimes.

Relationships are messy.

Source: http://bit.ly/1iIj92D

Wisdom is Priceless

That said,

boundaries

are meant to

keep us safe at each stage

of that process. It helps us to

be true to where we are

in that process, able to walk with others who help us grow

in the tough and the great parts

of love, but

safe from those who would destroy us

because of how

vulnerable we are,

and

where they are

– too needy, too critical or

abusive in any way.

Even in accepting others,

we are not supposed to enable bad behaviour.

Forgiveness ≠ Reconciliation

.

Community - Free to Be

Sisterhood (Brotherhood) is Imperative to Your Freedom

Community should be

a truly safe space where you're fully known

and, even if not completely understood, fully accepted and

invited to simply be.

Find those of your gender that

don’t make you apologize for being

imperfect or emotional – this includes the ‘male ego’.

 Start with one person. Examine your boundaries and whether or not you’re comfortable enough to build a relationship with this person.

Note:

You need friends of other genders as well – please. My brother is one of my closest friends. That said, there is simply something unspoken that can only be attained with those of your gender.

Source, Girls: http://mingusillustration.com/kids/girls-sleepover.jpg

Source, Boys: http://www.casacenina.com/catalog/images/img_103/bothy_sxc2.jpg

Your Clients should Love that You Have a Life

For those of you whose dream or passion is to

help others through business,

it is so easy to become

a slave to your clients

– forgetting that this was a major reason for leaving corporate in the first place.

My coach,

Carol Schulte

(

@carolschulte_

 website under construction), has driven home the purpose of a client profile – 

“Identify the right clients for you”.

Just as you are careful who you let into your everyday life, you should

be careful who you dedicate your

time, energy

and

expertise

to in business.

You'll find all the technical checklists for a client profile online – budget, earnings, number of employees, years in business – but

only you know the relationship values

that matter –

respect, temperament, schedule

and

value for your product or service.

Live Where It’s Easiest for You to Thrive 

People, fun, jobs/clients, culture, food, weather

– I've been thinking about this a lot, lately. Toronto has afforded me a

freedom to be myself,

unencumbered by the

"fear of disappointing loved ones”

. It is lovely, and will always be dear to me, but

it has never felt like home.

They say

'home is where the heart is'

, and perhaps it is a mindset, rather than an atmosphere, that determines where home is.

I’m not so sure.

Nisha Moodley

said

"You can put a plant in sub-optimal conditions, and it’ll do its best to thrive.  I’m the same way, growing my way through the cracks in the sidewalks wherever I land.  But when it comes to choosing a place to call home, I’ve realized how important it is to live where it’s easiest to thrive..."

and

it is so true.

Your home is your sanctuary.

When your entire day goes wrong, it’s where you recharge to face the next day.

City: http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/b/b4/Toronto_ON_Toronto_Skyline2_modified.jpg

Beach: http://www.homedit.com/20-modern-living-rooms-that-will-make-you-instantly-drool/

In December (2013), my mother asked me,

"Why do you take the most difficult paths in life?"

 I’m still ruminating over that, but this is one of the areas in which

I ask myself the same question.

In Christianity, your relationship with Christ calls you to rest in God in the midst of storms.

You do not seek out storms.

Freedom

Freedom

is not some frivolous concept that flirts with the notion of no responsibilities and “never having a bad day”. Au contraire,

it is a lot of work,

but it can be

smart work, rather than hard work.

 If you make the time to

get clear on who you are

and

what you really want,

then

that work has a purpose.

Being

true to yourself

seems to be at the crux of attaining freedom.

I’d start there.

Check out

"Back to Basics. Your Approval Required."

to help keep you focused.

In Honour of Your Freedom (Part 1)

(2014 March 28) Inspired by Nisha Moodley’s Fierce Fabulous Free blog post “

Lessons from a year of courage

”, I’ve only included here what complements my message, but I hope you get time to read it yourself.

You – Put “ME” On That Checklist

Put

“ME”

at the top of your checklist – enjoying “me”, grooming “me”, loving “my” appearance, exercising, eating healthily, drinking water, learning “me” – simply being “me”. Every aspect of “ME” is

critical to your success,

so you need to be consciously “ME”. It is a whole version of YOU that

can recognize and enjoy success when it comes.

YOU are important.

Boundaries – Not Walls

ME-time reveals

boundaries,

your comforts and perceived limitations. Sure “get out of your comfort zone” to explore your potential, but

‘know your comfort zone’ first.

Boundaries keep you

safe, comfortable

and

confident in your

right to be

– spirit, soul (mind, emotions) and body – while allowing you to

let the right experiences and people

in – or out.

Walls keep whatever’s inside in, and whatever’s outside out; you don’t want that.

Get to know YOU – THEN you’ll be more effective at saving the world.

Live Courageously

Courage is not the absence of fear,

but the drive to push through it. Being true to yourself about your

emotions, thoughts, underlying beliefs

that drive you, goes a long way in helping you

face and then conquer your fears.

Common fears:

Forget failure – fear of

success,

fear of

man

and fear of

emotions.

However impossible your dream,

you will never know what’s possible unless you try.

If you don’t, that will be your greatest regret at 90. Fear of man

(people’s disapproval of your ‘audacity’)

should never hold you back. Emotions – no, no – not just the ladies. This fear is even greater for men.

Emotional IQ (EQ)

is a most sought after leadership trait because when you can

manage your own emotions,

it makes you very effective at dealing with others’ emotions.

No need to run from your fears. Face them and do it anyway.

Learn the Right Lessons

Don’t learn the wrong lessons

from your experiences.

Learn the empowering lessons.

Scenario: You fall off a horse.

Lessons:

This is dangerous. I should be more careful. I should stop riding horses. So often we have an experience and we say,

"I’ll never do ‘X’ again".

Now that that wall is up, what happens when the perfect opportunity comes and “X” is what’s needed to get it?

Learn the empowering lessons and start implementing.

Have One “Thing” You Won’t Give Up

As a workaholic, I can genuinely relate to what Nisha talks about in her

6th Lesson, “It’s good to have a “thing””

.

Working all the time makes you boring

– even if work is fun. I work in social media; boring = sure death.

My one thing is Dance.

I cannot explain the things dance – its kinetics, expression, choreography – does to and for me.

What is your one thing? Why not just do it?

Acknowledge Your Broken Heart

Whether it’s

a break up,

or

the loss of a loved one,

'to thine own self be true.'

In

acknowledging every single feeling

as it comes, you're able to face it. You will heal faster than if you'd tried to bury it. That would be like

trapping a wild cat inside,

rather than letting it out and keeping an eye on it.

The claws will do far more damage inside than out.

If you're true, not letting pride or ego hold on to rage and resentment,

love truly is the outcome of healing.

KEEP DREAMING

It is so easy to lose sight of your vision,

when the horizon doesn't look anything like the image in your head.

It's easier still when you don't

make the time to dream often enough.

The human imagination is among the most powerful things anywhere.

You are your only limitation.

You will be surprised what solutions come when you rest – remove anxiety – silence your negative thoughts (the hard part) and just let options come freely.

NEVER STOP DREAMING.

PART 2 OF HONOURING YOUR FREEDOM

Before you run

to part 2

,

I want you to really

take the time (21-30 days)

to process this and work it into your schedule. Find out who you are, what you're comfortable with and what you want - what freedom means to you - then go into you with others.

Part 2 addresses the role of Community in attaining Freedom.