When It's Louder Than Usual (Women)

There's a time every month

when we as women are generally least able to focus on external things because

what's going on inside is much louder than usual.

Your mind is in a fog:

• The lists, plans and logical frameworks that usually keep you on track are meaningless,

• The situations you've trained yourself to ignore, somehow irritate/hurt you more than usual, 

• Your thoughts are suddenly big-picture, philosophical and emotional.

"I Have My Period"

I really want to invite you to consider that

you're not crazy.

You're not "PMS-ing" in that how you feel is not something to apologize for (**we can all work on how we act). You simply cannot ignore yourself any longer. You're in a world that has no time for you, and frankly, you follow suit. Your period is the one time when your spirit, soul and body come together, united, to say

"we will no longer be denied (at least for the next 3 days!)"

This blog is largely about

hearing your own thoughts

and the importance of self-care. I don't know about you, but despite all of it, I have to wonder why it's taken me all of my 33 years to realize that 

it's not a good thing that this is what my body has to do to be heard.

I believe if we're paying attention to all of our needs all month,

our

entire being

wouldn't have to "line up" for this small window of time in order to be heard

and, for most of us, we wouldn't walk on eggshells for fear of breathing fire on everyone. I'm sure, we'd still be more conscious and aware at this time of month, but

it wouldn't knock us off our feet

if

emotional and spiritual self-care (love, compassion, grace, playfulness) were a part of our daily lives.

This was huge for me, and yet every time of the month since, I've been caught by surprise. It takes a while to move things from the head to the heart. Funny how, when you're studying something in earnest, God brings everything you need your way. Here's what I found.

Embracing All of You

You may not share the beliefs

or practices in the video below, and thus may not agree with the specifics of Joanne's "time of the month" package, but I'd like to invite you to create your own. What items can you make a habit of surrounding yourself with during this time?

What excites your sense of sight, smell, taste, sound and touch?

These are the things that will help you to listen to yourself.

Here's what 

Joanne Ameya Cohen

 does.

 Perhaps it will help you create your own ritual, or your own 'space' in time and energy, to honour and listen to what you (spirit, soul and body) has to say...

Again, take from this what speaks to your inner self -

the individual that is known and loved completely and unconditionally (good, bad and ugly) only between you and your maker. Really invite yourself to consciously see how your spirit, soul (mind, will, emotions) and body respond.

Where Are You in All of This?

I'd love to hear what works for you.

So far, I'm stuck on:

• Visuals, flowers, minimalist architecture and all things in my shade of pink (see pics)

• Scent, still seeking, but a very unique French Vanilla and baby powder

• Taste, still seeking as well, but grapes, Raspberry Kefir and spicy Cheetos

I'm still working on the

textures for touch

and

sounds including words,

 which I'm very sensitive to regardless of time of month.

You?

Remember,

you are worth every bit of the time, energy and space

 you're willing to invest in others. If you're not filled to overflow, your giving will not be from a cheerful place of overflow, but from a place of duty which, when you begin to run low, turns to resentment.

So stay full!

Emotion & Urgency with Clients

Happy Spring!

Source: http://writerfox.hubpages.com/hub/Flower-Clip-Art

Logic & Emotion - The Paradox

If you've been following, you know I shifted gears in 2014.

I'm no longer the pure-logic, mission-driven lady I started this blog as.

Logic still has its place, but I've grown significantly since

I've welcomed my emotions back.

By distinguishing between fear and love as motivators,

 for example, I am making far more logical decisions. Ironic? Not really. Not if you understand and value the human being as a whole.

We need all the parts to be healthy if we're ever going to be truly whole.

If you missed these earlier posts, check out

"Your Thoughts, Your Future"

,

"The Audacity"

and my

"2014 Review"

.

Logic & Emotion - Decisions

Like it or not, 'ignoring' and belittling your emotions doesn't make them go away.

It isn't logic that drives your inner critic, but emotion.

In the past, your inner critic was your primal protector.

It told you when you were in danger.

Today, your inner critic is driven by your internal 'lessons' from experiences.

As much of our media and entertainment is

negative / fear-based,

the primal protector has become the inner critic. We'd like to think that logic makes us stop and assess risk, but it's the critic. You have to reprogram him / her.

S/he is the harsh version of you.

'Ignoring' emotion

leaves you extremely vulnerable

to those who manipulate your

'logical approach to emotion'.

 It's the very thing you don't want - to be tricked. With your emotions, as with your time, energy and intellect, 

if you're not managing them, someone else will

(or worse, someone else already is).

You see, back to the inner critic,

unless you learn to trust yourself, you will not trust your decisions.

Worse, you might remain indecisive. If you don't get to

know your emotions

and their triggers, you can't manage your inner critic. Self-control and self-trust will remain elusive.

Action point:

Decide today, right or wrong, to commit to one difficult decision, and see where it takes you.

Let no one sway you, even if you hear and learn from their advice.

Follow your decision to the end, and

see where it takes you.

Image Source: http://writerfox.hubpages.com/hub/Flower-Clip-Art

Urgency & Clients

What does this have to do with

clients?

Where does

urgency

fit into all of this? Knowing yourself means knowing your true values. Here's why that matters:

1. We, clients included, are largely overwhelmed today, so many find it increasingly difficult to make decisions - except in urgent situations.

2. We, clients included, have an ever-increasing "urgent to-do list" we're trying to check off so we can get to the "important". Sadly, the "urgent" list grows too fast.

3. Today, many business and marketing professionals use this urgency to get sales.

Am I raising any flags with that last point? You see,

each of us falls under point #3.

The question is how do you use it?

Urgency & Your Values

The difference between you and the people who came to your mind on point #3 is

your values.

 I see two options, depending on your perspective:

1. Urgency by Fear: you pick away at your clients' confidence in that area until they realize how 'urgently' they need you to help fix it. Here you take them to a desert, where you're the only source of water.

2. Urgency by Empowering: you listen to your clients' pain, uncovering solutions within their reach; solutions they're empowered to check off their "urgent" list, today. Here, you take them to a safe place and show them that they had access to water all along.

Still struggling

with which to choose? It helps to remember you're on both sides of this equation.

1. Do you want to work with the person you can't do without? It's great for their pocket, but not your confidence, or

2. Do you want to work with the person who shows you that you can, and go back to them as needed for each new level of success? 

Now that you know who you'd want to work with,

who do you want to be?

In closing

Logic and emotion.

Getting clear on who you are in both logic and emotion, your needs and intrinsic business goals (money is just one element) makes it easier to remember

why you wanted to serve this specific ideal client.

It wasn't because you can wind them up easily.

Was it? So, what was it?

Action point:

You Decide.

Time for Dreams

I love being a girl!

I just sat in a cafe near my home, to get away from the computer for a bit, and listened to 3 women

laughing heartily

in a very animated conversation. There really was no more beautiful sound in that moment. I couldn't help but smile.

Before starting my business, I made time for introspection.

I knew where my thoughts were and why, how I would manage them, if I wanted them to change, and what my small goals were. All logical, but at least I could hear myself think.

Today, in the midst of the 'busy-ness'

of managing my own organization, I rarely have time. I've been feeling those thoughts turn into feelings, all left unresolved, as

"there's too much to deal with first"

.

If you look back at my earlier posts, you would see how much time I spend writing about

self-care, self-love, me-time

and

the role of the individual

(the whole, complete individual) in creating

a powerful community.

Whether that community is your 'inner circle', your family or the world at large, I focused a lot on the

importance of you being the true you,

getting clear on who that is, if your community is to benefit fully. Our world functions best when we all flourish, but until we learn that

"we" includes "me",

we continue to see strife in our communities. I write this because I believe it, but do I live it? Apparently, not at the depth that I'd thought I did.

Just before those three ladies brought a smile to my face, I was hit by the reality that my head had been so far down in my business (my baby, don't get me wrong) that

I'd forgotten all the other things I wanted from life.

I was struck by a very

clear image of my daughter.

It's the craziest thing. I don't have a daughter yet, but since the age of 12, I'd been dreaming of becoming a mother.

Source:

protectyourdreams.blogspot.ca/2015/02/time-for-dreams.html

Out of nowhere, that image came screaming at me -

"I'm waiting", "Make it happen", "What about me?"

Am I alone in this? I forgot my other very important and time-sensitive dreams! In taking just 1 hour out of my busy day, away from my work and home environment,

my heart finally found it's voice again.

I want to be a

wife

and

mother,

all while I have my wits about me! I miss being a

great friend, daughter/confidant, sister/best friend, grand daughter

and

cousin!

Only

I

can make time for what is important. My business is my baby, yes, but it does not need all of me. Yours doesn't either.

Can you relate to this? What dreams have you had, but long given up on? Do you even remember?

Sit with your thoughts. Focus on happy things that make you relax. Maybe take a retreat, and listen to what comes up. Why not?

Make them real for yourself:

1. Write them down, or save Pictures of them, that keep them top-of-mind

2. Work backwards on small steps with deadlines that you can take each day

3. Smile and say, out loud daily, that "I'm coming to get you. In fact, you're coming to me."

Being positive doesn't mean you have to lie to yourself.

You should, in fact, be true to yourself about where you are, so where you will be very soon becomes a clearer, more rewarding, target.

What are your dreams?

They're not impossible.

I'd love to hear what some of yours are. Perhaps I can help keep you accountable in keeping them!

I hope I woke something up inside of you, today. Happy trails!

What Do Your Words Create

We've been taught 

"

Sow a thought, reap an action; sow an action, reap a habit; sow a habit, reap a destiny

"

. I suspect that this proverb is found in teachings across cultures globally. The point is, like it or not, 

we're not on autopilot.

 If we want change, 

we have to change our minds.

Renew Your Mind.

Thoughts & Feelings

Medicine, science and your own experience (even if you've ignored it) have all made it clear that 

your thoughts can heal or harm your physical body.

 Thinking about things that 

we fear will happen,

 for example, creates feelings of 

anxiety, anger, despair, self-doubt, depression and negative stress.

 These cause heart failure, high cholesterol, high blood pressure and more debilitating unmentionables, which over time become chronic ailments. "The power of life and death lie in the tongue..." (

Proverbs 18:21 ESV

). If we already know all of this, 

why have we done nothing to change it?

Thinking about positive things, things that 

we want to happen,

 our past miracles or good things that are happening at the moment, literally bring healing. The bible says that testimony builds faith. Faith brings joy. Your own testimony enhances the faith of others, yes, but it builds your faith as well. On a 'practical' level, if you will, when you feel joy, 

you breathe deeper, your muscles relax, you have an involuntary smile and your heartbeat is less erratic.

 All of this sends more oxygen to your brain, fosters cell repair, releases endorphins (that creates a 'happy loop') and reduces the stress on your heart, respectively. In miraculous terms, have you met a cancer survivor or someone whose tumor just disappeared? I have - 

it rocked my world.

What do you want?

 Restored health? Love? Financial freedom? More consistent inner peace? More supportive community? Why not 

start thinking about what you want,

 instead of what you don't want? I'd never thought of it that way, but I heard this guy, Greg Braden, say 

"Who taught us to think about what we don't want instead of what we want?!"

 It was suddenly so obvious what needed to change. Perhaps we won't track all our thoughts, but we can all stop to acknowledge how we feel, how we're breathing. Feelings tell you where your thoughts (conscious or subconscious) might be. 

Let's start there.

Emotions versus Feelings

Let's make this a bit easier.

 At any given moment, we're dealing with a myriad of feelings. It's no wonder so many of us ignore our feelings! At the base of it all, however, our feelings are fed by one of 

two emotions - 

Love or Fear.

 Fear is the opposite of Love.

 Courage is merely a manifestation of love - ask most parents. Every feeling we have is rooted in fear or love. Now, it won't always be obvious what you're afraid of, or what you love, that's driving the feeling. You know, however, that negative feelings are driven by 

fear, which holds you back,

 and that positive feelings are driven by 

love, which empowers you.

 If you can believe that, which would you choose?

Positive feelings create positive outcomes because 

we attract what we think about.

 It may be draining to 

"hold every thought captive"

(

2 Corinthians 10:4-5 ESV

) for examination, but 

you are almost always aware of how you feel

 - good or bad - even if you can't place a finger on how or why. If the cause of your 'bad' feeling is coming from within, then assess what thought(s) contributed to that, make it a positive thought. Look at "I hope I'm not late" as "everything is running smoothly so I'll be on time".

Note:

this does not advise that you are governed by your feelings, merely that you use it as it was designed to be used - as an indicator that something is amiss, or that all is well.

Food for thought:

 Wars are borne of fear. Courage, as an element of Love, seeks to protect, defend. Love in all its elements (generosity, kindness, hope) finds a place for all.

[

Side bar:

 I believe in intuition, so if you're feeling 'bad', look around first to make sure there are no threats. The threat doesn't have to be obvious. If your gut says move, then move. Regardless of how rude it may seem. Move.]

Decisions & Commitment

Globally, spiritual movements teach 

"be specific when you ask"

; "no one who is double-minded receives from the Lord...ask and you shall receive"; "believe and then receive (stay open to) what you've asked for"

 and 

"if you can imagine it, you can have it";

 believe and you can receive 

"immeasurably more than you can imagine".

The point is, if you are to ask, believe and receive (

Matthew 7:7-8 ESV

), you have to first 

decide on what you're asking for

 before you can see it (

James 1:6-8 ESV

). Trust that God orders your steps, particularly as you trust Him, in stepping out in faith, rather than fearing what can go wrong if you get what you want. If you make your decision from a place of love, true love, then you've automatically infused that decision with self-care while being considerate of those impacted by that decision. 

Ask, commit to that specific "ask",

 expect to receive it, then release it to God and go on living.

"No", "Don't" and Your Ask Words

"Ask" essentially means praying.

 The challenge is for us, as Christians, to get to the stage where we understand what God means when Jesus says "ask boldly". We must stop 'begging' in prayer, and walk as empowered sons and daughters in Christ. Once you decide to ask boldly, focus on positive words. Truly,

ask for what you want;

not for what you don't want. Asking for what you don't want brings to mind... what you don't want... and all the feelings that come with thoughts of what you don't want. It takes energy (brain space) away from thoughts of what you do want and the feelings that those thoughts come with. 

Mother Teresa said she will not attend an "anti-war" rally, but she'd love to attend a "peace" rally.

 Are you getting the picture? 

"No"

 and 

"don't"

 have no weight in our brains other that to 

produce negative feelings.

 Those words do not eliminate what follows, they merely attach a feeling to them. 

What are your "ask" words?

 Instead of "I don't want debt" or "I'm not in debt", perhaps say "I have a lot of money" or "I'm always in the black".

Note:

It is not a sin to want wealth to overflow when it is overflowing for God's glory. Money is only a problem if it replaces God in your life.

The present tense

 also helps when you're asking. 

"I will"

 often, keeps us in the 

"one day in the future"

 frame of mind. That perspective doesn't drive us to get up and get, because 

it's not a priority.

Speaking as though it already is,

 puts us in a place to 

expect, act, believe and receive, now.

 We start preparing to receive it. 

What will you do with it? Where will you put it? When will you have time to enjoy it?

 We are conditioned to think that doing that means we're lying to ourselves; we're not. You want it and you're going to make it happen. Full-stop. Infuse it with love, and see what happens. (P.S. It helps to be persistent.)

In Closing

Once I committed to changing my thinking,

 all of 2014 was, to me, evidence that this is true. Essentially:

1. Stop! Stop the rat race, the "oh no" conversation and the "I really don't want" thoughts.

2. Breathe deeply. Choose not to rush and do just that for 2 minutes (the whole 2 minutes).

3. Dream. If 'reality' wasn't a ceiling, if no one could 'laugh'... What would you want? Expect it.

4. Feel. What would it feel like to have your dream life? What would you be able to do? See it.

5. Gratitude. Smile in gratitude for what you have now. Really feel it. Thank instead of Begging.

6. Plan. In that grateful mindset, what steps do you need to take to get to your dream? Write it.

7. Act. What steps can you take today? Take at least one step. Even if it's just to think positively. Start.

In all of this, 

start with your mind.

 Start everyday focused on 

1-3 good things

 in your life, 

1 dream

 and 

what those things make you feel.

 Hold on to that all day. 

What do your words create?

[Adapted from:

"Your Thoughts, Your Future."

at

protectyourdreams.blogspot.ca

]

Your Thoughts, Your Future.

We've been taught 

"Sow a thought, reap an action; sow an action, reap a habit; sow a habit, reap a destiny"

. I suspect that this proverb is found in teachings across cultures globally. The point is, like it or not,

we're not on autopilot.

If we want change,

we have to change our minds.

Renew Your Mind.

Thoughts & Feelings

Medicine, science and your own experience (even if you've ignored it) have all made it clear that

your thoughts can heal or harm your physical body.

Thinking about things that

we fear will happen,

for example, creates feelings of

anxiety, anger, despair, self-doubt, depression and negative stress.

These cause heart failure, high cholesterol, high blood pressure and more debilitating unmentionables, which over time become chronic ailments. "The power of life and death lie in the tongue". If we already know all of this,

why have we done nothing to change it?

Thinking about positive things, things that

we want to happen

or good things that are happening at the moment, literally bring healing. On a 'practical' level, if you will, when you're happy,

you breathe deeper, your muscles relax, you have an involuntary smile and your heartbeat is less erratic.

All of this sends more oxygen to your brain, fosters cell repair, releases endorphins (that creates a 'happy loop') and reduces the stress on your heart, respectively. In miraculous terms, have you met a cancer survivor or someone whose tumor just disappeared? I have -

it rocked my world.

What do you want?

Restored health? Love? Financial freedom? More consistent inner peace? More supportive community? Why not

start thinking about what you want,

instead of what you don't want? I'd never thought of it that way, but I heard this guy, Greg Braden (

watch his video

when you have the time) say

"Who taught us to think about what we don't want instead of what we want?!"

It was suddenly so obvious what needed to change. Perhaps we won't track all our thoughts, but we can all stop to acknowledge how we feel, how we're breathing. Feelings tell you where your thoughts (conscious or subconscious) might be.

Let's start there.

Emotions versus Feelings

Let's make this a bit easier.

At any given moment, we're dealing with a myriad of feelings. It's no wonder so many of us ignore our feelings! At the base of it all, however, our feelings are fed by one of

two emotions -

Love or Fear.

Fear is the opposite of Love.

Courage is merely a manifestation of love - ask most parents. Every feeling we have is rooted in fear or love. Now, it won't always be obvious what you're afraid of, or what you love, that's driving the feeling. You know, however, that negative feelings are driven by

fear, which holds you back,

and that positive feelings are driven by

love, which empowers you.

If you can believe that, which would you choose?

Positive feelings create positive outcomes because

we attract what we think about.

It may be draining to

"hold every thought captive"

for examination, but

you are almost always aware of how you feel

- good or bad - even if you can't place a finger on how or why. If the cause of your 'bad' feeling is coming from within, then assess what thought(s) contributed to that, make it a positive thought. Look at "I hope I'm not late" as "everything is running smoothly so I'll be on time".

Food for thought:

Wars are borne of fear. Courage, as an element of Love, seeks to protect, defend. Love in all its elements (generosity, kindness, hope) finds a place for all.

[

Side bar:

I believe in intuition, so if you're feeling 'bad', look around first to make sure there are no threats. The threat doesn't have to be obvious. If your gut says move, then move. Regardless of how rude it may seem. Move.]

Decisions & Commitment

Globally, spiritual movements teach

"be specific when you ask"

; "no one who is double-minded receives from the Lord...ask and you shall receive"; "believe and then receive (stay open to) what you've asked for"

and

"if you can imagine it, you can have it";

believe and you can receive

"immeasurably more than you can imagine".

The point is, if you are to ask, believe and receive, you have to first

decide on what you're asking for

before you can see it. Trust that you will be taken care of as you step out in faith, rather than fearing what can go wrong if you get what you want. If you make your decision from a place of love, true love, then you've automatically infused that decision with self-care while being considerate of those impacted by that decision.

Ask, commit to that specific "ask",

expect to receive it, then release it to God, or your higher power, and go on living.

"No", "Don't" and Your Ask Words

"Ask" may mean different things

to different people -

pray, release it to the universe, speak it, write it, believe it, expect it

- but whatever it means to you ASK. Ask, however, for what you want; not for what you don't want. Asking for what you don't want brings to mind... what you don't want... and all the feelings that those thoughts come with. It takes energy (brain space) away from thoughts of what you do want and the feelings that those thoughts come with.

Mother Teresa said she will not attend an "anti-war" rally, but she'd love to attend a "peace" rally.

Are you getting the picture?

"No"

and

"don't"

have no weight in our brains other that to

produce negative feelings.

Those words do not eliminate what follows, they merely attach a feeling to them.

What are your "ask" words?

Instead of "I don't want debt" or "I'm not in debt", perhaps say "I have a lot of money" or "I'm always in the black".

The present tense

also helps when you're asking.

"I will"

often, keeps us in the

"one day in the future"

frame of mind. That perspective doesn't drive us to get up and get, because

it's not a priority.

Speaking as though it already is,

puts us in a place to

expect, act, believe and receive, now.

We start preparing to receive it.

What will you do with it? Where will you put it? When will you have time to enjoy it?

We are conditioned to think that doing that means we're lying to ourselves; we're not. You want it and you're going to make it happen. Full-stop. Infuse it with love, and see what happens. (P.S. It helps to be persistent.)

In Closing

Greg Braden is one of those people who's content

'serendipity'

brought into my life in 2014,

once I committed to changing my thinking.

All of 2014 was, to me, evidence that this is true. Essentially:

1. Stop! Stop the rat race, the "oh no" conversation and the "I really don't want" thoughts.

2. Breathe deeply. Choose not to rush and do just that for 2 minutes (the whole 2 minutes).

3. Dream. If 'reality' wasn't a ceiling, if no one could judge... What would you want? Expect it.

4. Feel. What would it feel like to have your dream life? What would you be able to do? See it.

5. Gratitude. Smile in gratitude for what you have now. Really feel it.

6. Plan. In that grateful mindset, what steps do you need to take to get to your dream? Write it.

7. Act. What steps can you take today? Take at least one step. Even if it's just to think positively. Start.

In all of this,

start with your mind.

 Start everyday focused on

1-3 good things

in your life,

1 dream

and

what those things make you feel.

Hold on to that all day, and

let Love drive your thoughts.